A BRIEF IDIOT’S GUIDE FOR TODAY
By Ron Flogundy
Greetings (*big long burp*) Flovatar world. Ron Flogundy is back to give you some brief entertainment while you digest that massive meal from Thanksgiving. For those that don’t partake in Thanksgiving, I apologize but also envy you. You are probably not in this sleepy, extremely full, gluttonous, and uncomfortable state of mind like yours truly is. I will do my best to knock this out before my body begins the purging process of the mountains of turkey, stuffing, and gravy in my belly. Let’s eat, ergh, I mean go.
It has been a fairly quiet week this week in the world of Flovatar as the team took some time to be with family over the holidays. A Dust Odyssey will return next Friday with another episode of the extremely entertaining podcast. Make sure to tune in to see what’s next for our beloved crew as this season nears its conclusion. Personally, I’m wondering why we haven’t seen any newscasters on Flova so far. There’s been too much focus on scientists, cadets, and droids and not enough on the true heroes.
The Dust flobit packs have seen quite a lot of action over the past week. As of this writing, we are down to the final 37 packs. There are still legendary flobits out there to unpack so the odds may not be any better as the pack supply dwindles. Once these are gone, the rebate for buying them and owning Psyche Likees should not be far behind. If you aren’t accruing Dust fast enough, you can always go to Increment.fi to restock. Speaking of Dust, if you need all the latest info and metrics, head over to Coin Gecko. Dust has been added to the site for all your research needs. It’s also attracted our fair share of ahem, scammers into the Discord. Stay safe out there and don’t click any links!
A couple other side notes. Last week’s edition of the news had a link to claim a Float. Those floats were for a free mint with Heroes of the Flow. Thank you to all who take the time to read this ridiculous publication each week. That was a small token of appreciation. The mint happened yesterday and it sold out in about 10 minutes. Finally, keep your eyes open for news about this year’s anniversary celebration. It’s coming up to almost 2 years of Flovatar so it’ll be time to have a little fun and reflect on how far we have come in these past 2 years.
Now, on to the major issue at hand. It’s Black Friday. What a shit show. If you are part of the mob that still go out to wait in line and fight over low prices, god help you. The internet was invented for a reason people! You can buy all the stuff you want online without the hassle of fighting the people of Walmart.
Those poor store employees. To think they are risking their lives to keep herds of people from killing each other to save a few bucks is outrageous. Just look at these people prepping for battle.
You want to know the best part of this? All those TVs that are on sale for incredibly low prices are not even real TVs. What’s that you say Ron? You heard me. Did you all really think that big ass TVs magically go from being $2000 to $250 for one day only? Maybe the stores are feeling the holiday spirit and choose to make their customers happy while disregarding their goal of making money? HA! You are hilarious. Lucky for you, Ron is here to give you this little tip in case you didn’t know.
Black Friday TVs are a scam. Yup, let that sink in. I am an avid TV enthusiast who knows them almost as well as my bourbon. Don’t get me wrong. If you want a cheap ass TV that’s just meh and might work for a while, go ahead and grab one of these “deals.” If you are looking for a magnificent watching experience for years to come, then these are not for you.
Retailers always look to make the most money off TVs on this day because it is one of the most popular items. In order to achieve this, they need a cheap product to sell that makes people think they are getting a deal. Truth is, these TVs are specially built just for Black Friday. This means that to an untrained eye, it looks like every other amazing TV. On the inside, these TVs are full of cheap parts and crap features. Things like less HDMI ports, slower refresh rates, cheaper overall internal components, and fewer dimming zones are just a few ways to skimp. Even trusted brand names are used when in fact a different manufacturer produced them.
Retailers basically go to manufacturers and say “Hey, gimme a piece of crap TV that I can sell for $250 but looks like it should be $2500.” So how do you know if you are buying a piece of crap or not? Well, it’s all about the model number. If you search for reviews on that model number and find none, that’s a sign. If you go to the brand’s website and search of the model number and it doesn’t appear, that’s an even better sign. If you just search the internet and can’t seem to find any reviews or information on the TV, it’s probably because it is one of the specially made ones to fleece consumers. Just look at these ads.
If you are looking for a good deal on a great TV, you aren’t finding one today. Sorry but Ron speaks the truth. The real good TVs might be on sale today but at a lower discount. It’s still a savings you might not get any time else but it’s not “doorbuster” worthy. Buying these crazy low priced TVs today is like buying Jim Beam disguised in a Pappy bottle. Don’t get fooled. Unless you like Jim Beam. In that case, I don’t even know why I try helping you since you clearly have poor taste and don’t like good stuff. Now I must go pass out again from this turkey before I go shopping.
F.U.D News Staff
Pennytar- Founder & CEO
Straight from the circus, he was just clowning around one day online and stumbled into this wacky, low budget, and sarcastic news outlet.
J. Peterman- Chief Sarcasm Officer (CSO) / Fashionista
Once a top level executive at a clothing catalogue company, she finds herself here after an epic fail of an invention. The Urban Sombrero bankrupt the company in spectacular fashion. She now takes sarcastic jabs at outfits worn by flovatars with a better fashion sense than her.
Ron Flogundy- Lead Anchor
After being fired from a reputable news source, Ron found his way into the F.U.D News room. He gave the media outlet a look of credibility when there was none.
Füch Faće McGee– Head of Sportsball Division/Flovalympic Reporter
This Bulgarian-Irish born sports genius made a name for himself by having 1 too many whiskeys while trying to interview the Irish rugby team after a loss and causing a locker room brawl. Naturally, was a must hire for F.U.D.
Kid Chaos- Resident Movie/Horror Correspondent
Not sure where this mysterious dude came from, he kinda showed up out of the shadows. If you need any movie or horror input, he’s your guy. Just don’t get too close to him or make any sudden movements.