November 17, 2023 ·

By Ron Flogundy

Greetings Flovatar world. Your favorite news anchor is back for another award winning edition of the the greatest weekly periodical ever written. That’s right. It’s Ron time and I know you all can’t wait for this hearty serving of me. This week, Flovatar gets tipsy but not in the alcohol related way and I break down the greatest feast of the year. Belly up to the table folks and lets get started.

A while back, Flovatar and Heroes of the Flow did a little collaboration. Some whitelist spots were given away to Flovatar owners for their first free mint. It’s a good thing too because their mint sold out in just 20 minutes. If you don’t know what Heroes of the Flow is, check out their Twitter (X for all you Elon lovers) page for the details. If you missed out, never fear! This collab is about to go for round 2. A limited number of spots are going to be available for Flovatar owners for the 2nd free mint coming up.

So how do you get one of these limited free mints? Well, as an avid fan of FUD News, you’re in the right place! We are posting the link to a special Float right here for the first lucky people to claim. Holders of this float will be eligible for the free mint. Get them while they’re still available because when they’re gone, that’s it! Head over and claim them now using this link.

Discord got a neat addition recently courtesy of Jacob and Emerald Bot. The wunderkind (although I’ve heard Peterman refer to him by a different name) added a new feature called “tipping.” I had to look this up because I had never heard of such a thing. I find it to be quite ridiculous. Much like an old friend of mine named Dwight.

Anyways, this new feature from Emerald Bot allows users to send tokens to each other right from the Discord. It’s especially handy for the Flovatar community because 2 of the tokens added to the function are Flow and Dust. That’s right! You can now send Dust to people in a quick and easy way.

The process is super easy. In order to get started, simply follow the command /tip create. Emerald Bot will create a new wallet for you to use in Discord for this feature. Once it’s created, you can simply transfer Flow or Dust to this new wallet.

You can check your token balance by using the /tip balance command. Once your fully loaded, you can choose who you want to tip. Let’s say for example, Marlin ban hammers the hell out of someone who was being annoying in chat and you want to send him some appreciation. Or maybe you appreciate Throop’s daily morning messages, Chaos’ hilarious GIFs, Jenna’s sarcastic insults, or Omcler’s rage sessions.

The process is super simple. Just type /tip send to start and follow the 4 simple steps. It will ask you for a user name, amount, token type, and wallet type. For one of the examples above it would be something like /tip send Marlin 100 Dust Blocto. Boom. Done. If the user has not set up a new wallet for Emerald Bot, it will do so automatically when you send a tip.

Check out the new Emerald Bot feature.

Speaking of being in the giving mood, next week is Thanksgiving for all the people in the U.S. This is a time of celebrating with family, friends, food, football, and alliteration. Eating a mountain of food while being forced to watch a Lions and Cowboys game each year is mostly great, but choosing the right foods is the most important thing. I might have to stomach seeing Jerry Jones and his horrendous team on tv, but I shouldn’t have to settle for sub par food. Luckily for you, I give you my brief guide to Thanksgiving food.

STUFFING: The staple of this day and one of the most glorious foods to enjoy. I enjoy my mother’s home cooked, made from scratch, shoved into the turkey stuffing. However, I must admit that Stove Top is amazingly delicious as well. Something about that boxed taste of greatness always leaves me satisfied. Either is fine unless you have an odd wife who thinks stuffing cooked in the bird is weird and gross. I assure you I know nothing of this conundrum.

POTATOES: Another must for everyone to eat. Whether it be mashed, scalloped, or baked, a delicious potato dish is required when Ron is present. Personally, nothing beats a sweet potato casserole. Load them things up with marshmallows, brown sugar, honey butter and other sweet goodness for a taste explosion.

“VEGETABLES”: I suppose some of you would lose your minds if I didn’t include green bean casserole. But let’s be real. No one wants anything healthy on this feast. The only reason you are eating this sub par dish is because its topped with fried onions and other stuff. Green beans, broccoli, and other greens will not be on Ron’s plate. Kevin sums this all up nicely here.

TURKEY: A fickle bird. I will say that 80% of the time, this is the most disappointing and meh thing on the plate. It’s usually dry, lacks flavor, and puts you to sleep. However, if you happen to be served turkey that has either been deep fried or slow cooked after being in a brine for at least 5 days, you are in for a treat. The key is to keep the turkey juicy. A juicy bird is a delicious bird. Otherwise, kindly GTFO my plate.

GRAVY: Finally, the king of all toppings. Gravy can fix almost anything. If the turkey and other stuff suck, just drown in delicious gravy. When the host asks why you poured half a gallon of it on your plate, mention how tasty it is rather than the fact that you are trying to cover up their awful cooking. I’d beer bong a delicious gravy if it was socially acceptable. Actually, I’d do it either way.

Now I’m hungry. Time to fill my belly so I don’t get hangry. I know it’s hard to believe but sometimes I am not my usual pleasant self when I’m hungry. Enjoy the feasts. For those of you from parts of the world that don’t indulge in this feast, find an American friend and crash their house. They have to let you in. It’s mandatory on that day. Thanks for joining me again this week.

F.U.D News Staff

Pennytar- Founder & CEO
Straight from the circus, he was just clowning around one day online and stumbled into this wacky, low budget, and sarcastic news outlet.

J. Peterman- Chief Sarcasm Officer (CSO) / Fashionista
Once a top level executive at a clothing catalogue company, she finds herself here after an epic fail of an invention. The Urban Sombrero bankrupt the company in spectacular fashion. She now takes sarcastic jabs at outfits worn by flovatars with a better fashion sense than her.

Ron Flogundy- Lead Anchor
After being fired from a reputable news source, Ron found his way into the F.U.D News room. He gave the media outlet a look of credibility when there was none.

Füch Faće McGee– Head of Sportsball Division/Flovalympic Reporter
This Bulgarian-Irish born sports genius made a name for himself by having 1 too many whiskeys while trying to interview the Irish rugby team after a loss and causing a locker room brawl. Naturally, was a must hire for F.U.D.

Kid Chaos- Resident Movie/Horror Correspondent
Not sure where this mysterious dude came from, he kinda showed up out of the shadows. If you need any movie or horror input, he’s your guy. Just don’t get too close to him or make any sudden movements.

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