October 20, 2023 ·

THE FLOVATAR RUNDOWN (but cut short…)
By Ron Flogundy

Good afternoon fellow followers of mine. Ron Flogundy is back this week and feeling better, mostly. My last week went way out of control as I sank my teeth into Friday the 13th conspiracies. The previous issue of this fine news outlet sent me into a mental paranoia I have never felt before. Luckily, with the help of lots of Lagavulin to help me pass out, I snapped out of my Friggatriskaidekaphobia phase. Don’t know what the hell I’m talking about? Well shame on you and go back and read this.

Moving forward, let’s discuss some stuff in the world of Flovatar. Last week, the Team brought back a past time favorite. Flobit Flash Challenges made their return with a special Halloween series. For the month of October, there will be a weekly flobit challenge with a Halloween theme to it. Each new challenge will scale in difficulty. The harder they get, the bigger the reward.

That’s right. The Jeepers Font is back after last year’s popularity!

Did someone say reward? These flobit flash challenges will lead to Dust rewards! Everyone’s favorite token will be distributed each week after the snapshots. The first challenge saw a 300 Dust reward and the second one that ended yesterday paid out 500 Dust. What will next week bring? Hmm, I feel like I need to just go buy a bunch of Halloween bits to prepare. Damn, writing my thoughts out again. Keep your mouth shut Ron.

These Dust rewards will be a nice way to pad that wallet with enough to spend on those Dust packs. As of this writing, the total number left is 147. Still plenty of sought after flobits are remaining so use your challenge Dust wisely. Don’t want to wait for the weekly Dust rewards, you can always just go and buy more Dust now on

Earlier this week, the second to last Flovalympic event kicked off. McGee will have more of that in his coverage. That lazy bastard finally came back to work trying to cover the Rangers during the ALCS. Apparently his FUD News credentials were not enough to get him anywhere near the stadium. In other news….wait a minute. Can you smell that? I smell a high profile interview going on. How can that be if I am here? No one handles the big stars here except for me, the legendary Ron Flogundy! I must track down the culprit. I’d bet my case of Pappy I know who is behind this treacherous task. I must go, so use whatever send off I use that is your favorite and see yourself out. Peterman……!!!!!!

By J. Peterman (and, Ron.)

Good afternoon. I’m J. Peterman, scribe, connoisseur of chic clothing, and all around fan of Flovatar’s epic podcast, A Dust Odyssey. Today, I was fortunate to sit down with two more of our heroes, Fasco and FL01D, to help us catch up with everything storyworld related. Unfortunately, I had some unwelcome company during my actor’s roundtable. I’ve trashed the video footage so I’ll just let you read the transcript.

Peterman: Fasco and FL01D, welcome to between two F.U.D.s, the show where we get up close and personal with our favorite characters from a Dust Odyssey. Fasco is a young navigation officer and FL01D is a mining Droid!

Fasco: Thanks, I’ve never done one of these before, I’m a bit nervous!

FL01D: What is nervous?

Peterman: Ahem, don’t worry Fasco. These questions will be light and fun. And FL01D, just don’t destroy anything in the studio.

Note to the reader – FL01D proceeded to stand up, lift his chair, and begin spinning around like he was about to shot put it to the moon.

Fasco: Flork! Don’t forget, his settings are wonky and he does the opposite of whatever you say. FL01D, destroy the studio!

Peterman: Oh, you’re right. My bad. Getting a bit mixed up here between what is real in this story and what is just actors. For the sake of things, let’s just interview you as your characters. So Fasco, you and our droid pal here were left in Japan after a porthole prematurely closed. Nothing more disappointing than something premature. So I have to ask – have you been able to try any sushi while you’re there?

Fasco: I, um, I had some ahi nigiri on the train I think. I’m sorry, I can’t really focus because I keep hearing a noise in the corner behind that plant. It almost sounds like breathing. Am I imagining that?

Note to the reader – One of the production assistants went behind a fern to check on the sound of the noise. You can probably guess who was back there.

Ron: Oh, hello there esteemed galaxy excursionists. I’m Ron Flogundy, lead anchor and pulitzer winning FUD news journalist. I must have gotten lost on my way to the charity event for, uhhh, disabled rabbits. I really can’t wait to raise money for those little one-legged hoppers. But since I’m here, why shouldn’t I join in the fun? Let me dust some of these fake leaves off of me and I’ll join the interview.

Note to the reader – The incessant idiot proceeded to spill scotch onto FL01D’s neck, nearly frying his motherboard.

Peterman: Be careful! This is my interview you moron, get out of here.

Ron: Don’t be silly. So, Fasco, I bet you’re getting a little sick of Earth right? From what I saw of life on Flova, it looks much safer there. And much more enjoyable, with those Cabby Capsules zooming you everywhere, unlimited Sloosh – I wonder how Sloosh would taste with a shot or two of Lagavulin 16.

Fasco: Haven’t you been following along with the story? Life on Flova isn’t all it’s made out to be. Everyone is controlled by Assisted Thought devices and addicted to Sloosh. Psyche Likees are taken away from people who don’t toe the line. Nostos had to flee the planet rather than be arrested.

Ron: Of course I’m listening to the story! I listen on Friday nights, after I’ve done my rounds at the local bingo hall. That leads to my next question. I heard you all were sitting around gambling your life savings to win some sort of gaming console…

Peterman: Ron, that’s not what happened at all.

Ron: Hush Peterman, let the real journalists ask the questions. So my question is…wen poker??

Note – At this point, Peterman stood up and left the studio.

Ron: Ah, seems Peterman must have to use the restroom or something. I told her Indian food at 10pm wasn’t the best idea. That’s alright. Hey, let’s make this droid useful. FL01D, pour me another glass of scotch into this glass, neat please.

Note – FL01D, still following his opposite command directive, proceeded to pour an entire bottle of liquor onto Ron’s head. Fasco, thoroughly annoyed, just let this happen.

by Füch Faće McGee

I’m back! Again. I’m sure you all have missed me greatly. Probably haven’t known what to do with yourselves, not having Musings to read the last couple weeks. But don’t fret. The higher ups at FUDNews have reached a temporary agreement to fund the sports department for another month while they quarrel over the budget. So without getting too wordy, let’s get into it!

Chef Showdown is a Discord game that lets everyone live out the fantasy of serving food to impatient, ungrateful customers to earn less than a living wage. Or to trigger the PTSD of any and all former servers. (It’s been 14 years since I’ve waited tables or bartended, but I still have the occasional nightmare of being the only server in a full restaurant where every guest arrived at the exact same time).

The Showdown is also serving as our 2nd to last event of the 2023 Flovalympics Challenge! The Space Pirates are narrowly holding on to a 1 point lead for 1st place over Team Zelda. The Devil’s Advocates are currently in 3rd, a mere 5 points behind Zelda. The rest of the pack is going to need a strong showing in the last two events to finish on the medal stand, but everyone loves a good comeback story. Seabiscuit. The Mighty Ducks. Kim Kardashian. Maybe one of our Flovalympic teams can add their names along to the list of greatest comebacks in history!

The only topic hotter than the Chef Showdown over the past couple weeks? Waivers! You love ’em, I love ’em. He who shall not be named LOVES them. But does anyone even understand them? What’s the order? How is the order determined? Is there even an order, or is it all random based on how Yahoo feels? Does Yahoo keep a list anywhere? Or is it a big secret to keep us on our toes weekly? There’s a lot to be discovered about waivers still. And because I did not want to miss out on the poetry theme FUD News has taken of late, I decided to pen a haiku dedicated to our very favorite thing about fantasy football.

With waivers we dream
Hope for stars in the darkness
Fantasy dreams rise

And with that, my Füchamaniacs, I leave you all wanting until next week. Who knows, maybe this column will turn into a full-on poetry only feature. You win some you lose some. We’re all trying to do east and west. Mind your p q.

F.U.D News Staff

Pennytar- Founder & CEO
Straight from the circus, he was just clowning around one day online and stumbled into this wacky, low budget, and sarcastic news outlet.

J. Peterman- Chief Sarcasm Officer (CSO) / Fashionista
Once a top level executive at a clothing catalogue company, she finds herself here after an epic fail of an invention. The Urban Sombrero bankrupt the company in spectacular fashion. She now takes sarcastic jabs at outfits worn by flovatars with a better fashion sense than her.

Ron Flogundy- Lead Anchor
After being fired from a reputable news source, Ron found his way into the F.U.D News room. He gave the media outlet a look of credibility when there was none.

Füch Faće McGee– Head of Sportsball Division/Flovalympic Reporter
This Bulgarian-Irish born sports genius made a name for himself by having 1 too many whiskeys while trying to interview the Irish rugby team after a loss and causing a locker room brawl. Naturally, was a must hire for F.U.D.

Kid Chaos- Resident Movie/Horror Correspondent
Not sure where this mysterious dude came from, he kinda showed up out of the shadows. If you need any movie or horror input, he’s your guy. Just don’t get too close to him or make any sudden movements.

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