April 5, 2024 ·

By Ron Flogundy

Great Caesar’s ghost. Is this what it feels like to have a week off? It was glorious. Now I know why my lazy ass co-workers in the news room have taken so much time off. Nevertheless, I know my fans need their weekly Friday helping of Ron. So here I am! With my first 100 issues in the books, I start my journey for the next 100 with an investigative report….well not really. Get ready fellow gumshoes, FUD News is back and ready to go.

Before we get to the legal jokes for the week, it’s time to fill in our weekly update from the world of Flovatar. The epic journey of our favorite Flovan crew in A Dust Odyssey came to an end last week. I’ll keep this a spoiler free article for those who haven’t caught up yet. It was a perfect ending to a highly entertaining story.

Luca is working on putting all of the episodes into a storybook style format to view online. If listening isn’t your thing, you’ll soon be able to read the epic saga like old people do, with words and stuff. Lucky for all of you, your favorite news anchor has been given the distinguished honor of writing the prologue for the storybook. Look for that to be coming soon.

The Flovatar DAO is making some progress as well. Earlier in the week, Luca dropped a test link to DAO on its’ new platform, Toucans. Toucans was created by Emerald City and Jenna’s favorite person in web3, Jacob.

The link Luca dropped was a test vote using the new platform. The topic up for debate seemed pretty simple, at least to me. Should Luca burn 1 Flow or not? Who wants to burn money? Now, I understand Ron is not the most tech and web3 savvy person out here but money is a pretty simple concept to me. I know I want lots of it. Seems like roughly 23% of the vote wanted to light the torches. To all of those people, next time you want to burn Flow, feel free to just tip your local news anchor instead. I’ll burn it on some fine bottles of bourbon.

Regardless the outcome, this was a cool next step towards giving the community the power to make a lot of decisions in the future. Speaking of that, to any of you who want to be a part of this process and take a seat on the council, now is a good time to start stepping up. If you want to take an active part in the DAO, have proposals you want to submit, or anything else, let Luca know. The easiest way would probably be to open a ticket and state your interest there to get the conversation started.

One more brief thing to note this week. I saved the nerdy tech stuff for last because you should all know by now, Ron is no nerd. The continuing process to update to Cadence 1.0 is moving along as fast as me drinking a pumpkin spice latte. There have been many changes and delays on the back end, nerdy coder stuff from the people of Flow (Dapper) that have kept Luca up late nights fixing things. This update is important to the blockchain and kind of prevents any new things from being released by Flovatar until it is all squared away. Time to park that yacht and get cracking. You know who you are.

Now, Detective Ron with the help of some friends is proud to unleash his first investigative piece! I worked with so many esteemed people on this. By so many esteemed people I mean 3, and they are all kinda ridiculous humans. Meet one of them now actually.

Earlier this week, an interesting tweet came across my Twitter feed. Ah crap. I mean my X feed and it’s not a tweet. It’s a…post? A Twix (tweet on X)? Mmmm, Twix. Now I’m hungry. Did you know that Twix is the only candy bar with the cookie crunch? But I digress. Damn you Elon! Anyways, here is what I saw.

180,00 Flow?! WTF? Now, flov #6009 is a handsome fellow but definitely not this handsome. So what gives? I decided to dig in deeper. The Flowverse platform has a XP leaderboard that users can climb for doing things like buying, selling, and other stuff. This sale conveniently was between the top 2 on the leaderboard. Hmm. I know there’s kind of a word for this but I can’t think of it right now. It definitely doesn’t involve putting money in a washing machine to clean it. Saul, you got anything for me?

Ok! Fine. It’s not really money laundering exactly. I’m not a Harvard law graduate you know. But I did find it interesting enough to track this a bit more. Luckily for everyone, there are no transaction secrets on the blockchain. Look at me using nerdy words now. The history of this flov and the Flow that is attached to it is entertaining to say the least. That XP must really mean something to “both” of these wallets. Imagine the creator’s surprise when they logged in and saw a nice little 1800 Flow royalty fee drop into their wallet. Assuming it’s someone who’s unaware of what happened.

All of this is just entertainment and takes away from the headline. Other than sportsball based projects that sell YouTube clips of athletes for money, I do not remember a Flow NFT sell for this high a price. Congrats to Flovatar on this benchmark! You can Barry Bonds asterisk it all you want but it still counts in today’s world. Take that goats. That was a thing right?

Ok, so I didn’t uncover a massive crime syndicate that was laundering money. Detective Ron is still just dipping his toes into the justice pool. I will leave you all this week with one of my other favorite consultants I met during this endeavor. Now this guy knows his stuff. Happy Friday Happy Hour to all of you and look for more Detective Ron in the future. Now here’s Marty Byrde.

F.U.D News Staff (You can now click on our photos to chat with us!)

Pennytar- Founder & CEO
Straight from the circus, he was just clowning around one day online and stumbled into this wacky, low budget, and sarcastic news outlet.

J. Peterman- Chief Sarcasm Officer (CSO) / Fashionista
Once a top level executive at a clothing catalogue company, she finds herself here after an epic fail of an invention. The Urban Sombrero bankrupt the company in spectacular fashion. She now takes sarcastic jabs at outfits worn by flovatars with a better fashion sense than her.

Ron Flogundy- Lead Anchor
After being fired from a reputable news source, Ron found his way into the F.U.D News room. He gave the media outlet a look of credibility when there was none.

Füch Faće McGee– Head of Sportsball Division/Flovalympic Reporter
This Bulgarian-Irish born sports genius made a name for himself by having 1 too many whiskeys while trying to interview the Irish rugby team after a loss and causing a locker room brawl. Naturally, was a must hire for F.U.D.

Kid Chaos- Resident Movie/Horror Correspondent
Not sure where this mysterious dude came from, he kinda showed up out of the shadows. If you need any movie or horror input, he’s your guy. Just don’t get too close to him or make any sudden movements.

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