January 5, 2024 ·

By Ron Flogundy

Happy…..Ha! Almost got me. It’s well past the buffer of wishing people a happy new year so let’s not mess with that shenanigans because it was covered in detail last week. It’s 2024 and we are starting off with baby steps so far. There are a few things to review in the world of Flovatar and then I hit the streets, old school reporting days style, to speak with some of you!

As 2023 ended, so did the promotional period for unlocking FlovaChat. The 5000 Dust price was reduced to a nice 1000 Dust until the year ended as a limited early adopter benefit. To make things better, those who took advantage of the promo will also get an airdrop of some of the latest flobits that were released. Luca is taking some time to recharge his batteries for the new year so expect that airdrop shortly after he returns from his vision quest.

Last week, I dropped a teaser about farming. Turns out this has nothing to do with crops or animals. Don’t worry. It’s not like I tried to get ahead by setting up my yard with appropriate farming tools and bought a bunch of livestock. If I did though, what’s the return policy on cows? I bet Costco would take it back. They take everything back.

Dust farming is now live on Increment Fi. Woohoo! What does this all mean? Without getting to far into the nerd speak, this is a way for all of you Dust owners to add into the liquidity pool and make something in return. The process is fairly simple. I mean, good ole Ron is doing it so that means anyone can. If you missed any of the details, check out the X thread Flovatar put out here.

I decided to hit the streets and chat with a few Flovans just like in my beat writing days. It’s good to go and mingle with the common folk every now and then to remember where it all started. I was worried about the massive crowd I would draw once word got out I was in the streets. I somehow remained undetected though. Let’s take a look at a few highlights.

I had to take a minute to tell this guy who the real Goat was. You can’t go and self proclaim you are the best at something. Unless you’re me. Ron is the best anchor out there. Anyway, after yelling at him from across the street, he gave me the most PC non-answer I have ever heard. Just proof that MJ is better.

He calls himself a chef? You would assume you see someone dressed as a chef, they could offer you a delicious recipe using a very good ingredient. Rather, this chef tells me to go elsewhere and then tries to insult my great name by calling me a fabrication. You are not even on the level of Chef Boyardee!

Now this shady character at least knew me, but only after I told him I was me. Still counts! Bobby and I had a delightful encounter. I wish I could tell you more about the rest of it but for legal reasons, my lawyer said to not say anything else until the trial is over. 2 guys wearing ski masks walk into a bar….

I ran into this damsel towards the end and couldn’t help but lay on the charm. I figured I’d make her day by allowing her to go on a date with a legend. She played hard to get. Like, real hard to get. It almost seemed as if she never actually wanted to go on a date with me at all. Kudos to her acting skills. We stopped to get coffee like she suggested. Being the gentleman I am, I offered to buy and let the lady go first. She ordered a pumpkin spiced latte and I promptly stormed off in anger. But at least I left her with the bill. Ron wins!

Turns out walking the streets is exhausting. Happy hour is approaching so that’s all the time I have this week. Always keep your eyes peeled because you never know when Ron will walk the streets again. You may be the lucky one next time to have an exchange of words with a legend like myself. In the meantime, enjoy the weekend and those new year’s resolutions that you are probably about to give up.

by Füch Faće McGee

This is no longer a sports column. Sports suck.

Instead, let’s talk about how after the longest 3 weeks of my life, the kids are finally back in school and Mrs. McGee is back in the office. Of course I love ’em, but this house has never felt smaller. Or louder.

So now that I’ve broken up with sports and everyone in the McGee household is back into the routine of life, I need a new hobby. There are a plenty of DIY projects to do around the house that will no longer be put on the backburner because of some stupid weekend sporting event. Maybe this column could turn into a Bob Villa-type blog: Fixin’ it Up with Füch Faće. Has a real ring to it, right? Just have to get the wife to green-light the idea. Nevermind the fact that all of the favorites in her phone are the professionals she’s had to call in to fix my previous projects. Surely she won’t mind me practicing my new hobby on our house…

In case that doesn’t fly, perhaps I’ll start day-drinking and start a whiskey blog. Though Ron has already hit all of the Tennessee hot-spots. Besides, I could never match the drinking prowess of our resident alcoholic. Or fill up a page with hot air like him. Hmm…

Maybe I could write an overly critical fashion blog and pen AI-inspired poetry like Peterman. Or share my review on the hottest movies and television shows like Kid Chaos. Apparently, you don’t even have to watch them to completion to write for FUDNews. Just give your opinion on what you’ve seen so far, tease the audience on whether or not you will even finish it, and then leave them hanging for the next few months.

I got it! People love food, right? I could write about food! This Food Füchs- a blog about all of my favorite food trucks. I know Ron has it in the budget. There were whispers of FUD News hiring a food blogger a few months back. But apparently he’d eat up all of the food before he took pictures of it. And then couldn’t remember even cooking the meal. So it never really took off.

Füch Faće clearly has a lot to think about as we transition into the new year. Unless I’m fired after I turn in this week’s column, I’ll have an update on my new hobbies and my journey next week!

F.U.D News Staff (You can now click on our photos to chat with us!)

Pennytar- Founder & CEO
Straight from the circus, he was just clowning around one day online and stumbled into this wacky, low budget, and sarcastic news outlet.

J. Peterman- Chief Sarcasm Officer (CSO) / Fashionista
Once a top level executive at a clothing catalogue company, she finds herself here after an epic fail of an invention. The Urban Sombrero bankrupt the company in spectacular fashion. She now takes sarcastic jabs at outfits worn by flovatars with a better fashion sense than her.

Ron Flogundy- Lead Anchor
After being fired from a reputable news source, Ron found his way into the F.U.D News room. He gave the media outlet a look of credibility when there was none.

Füch Faće McGee– Head of Sportsball Division/Flovalympic Reporter
This Bulgarian-Irish born sports genius made a name for himself by having 1 too many whiskeys while trying to interview the Irish rugby team after a loss and causing a locker room brawl. Naturally, was a must hire for F.U.D.

Kid Chaos- Resident Movie/Horror Correspondent
Not sure where this mysterious dude came from, he kinda showed up out of the shadows. If you need any movie or horror input, he’s your guy. Just don’t get too close to him or make any sudden movements.

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