A GUIDE TO RESOLUTIONS
By Ron Flogundy
Greetings Flovatar world. I, the great Ron Flogundy, am back for one last time in 2023. As this year winds to a close this weekend, it’s a good time to reflect on how good or crappy it has been. It’s been a busy year in Flovatar so a quick recap is in order before everyone starts their festivities. Then, I will address a couple trends that are popular this time of year. So sit back, pour yourself a nice glass of something, and let the soothing words of Ron Flogundy dazzle your eyes and mind.
Another calendar year closes for Flovatar and it was a busy one. If you missed some or all of it, there’s always the FUD News archive for you to relive the moments you decided to be a slacker. This year saw the introduction of so many Flovatar staples. The biggest moment was the launch of the Dust token. The currency for the Flovatar world unlocked a slew of new features and utilities. Now’s a good time for a shameless promo asking you the question, “Need Dust?” If so, head over to Increment.fi to grab some! If you need some market analysis on the Dust token, head over to CoinGecko for more. Both of these sites were part of the 2023 new additions.
The Dust launch paved the way for Flovs to grab a new furry friend. Psyche Likees are the results of some great work by Flova Labs and a must for every Flov. They can be created with ease in the classic builder so make sure to add a few to your family if you haven’t.
Some Psyche Likees are even famous now thanks to another huge development in 2023. A Dust Odyssey launched in 2023 and tells the epic saga of a Flovan crew sent on a mission for Dust, or so they thought. The podcast has released 18 of the 20 episodes to date and is full of clever storytelling, pop culture references, cameos from the community, and load of fun. If you’ve been living under a rock for the past several months and haven’t heard it yet, WTF are you waiting for? Even I, Ron Flogundy, have taken the time to listen. Ron doesn’t read but if it’s read to me, I’m a fan. Check out all the episodes on the Flovatar website, YouTube, Spotify, Apple Podcasts and most of your favorite streaming places.
At risk of becoming too wordy (I know, it’s impossible. You all love every word that exists my fingers onto this screen), let’s roll through some more highlights quickly. Deep breath Ron and here we go. 2023 also saw the battle for ultimate supremacy in the Flovalympics, The Great Psyche Likee Rebate, first ever Dust pack sale, community created flobits in the Big Bad Bodacious Bonanza Bourbon more B words contest, asteroid island reveal in the builder, Flova Chat reveal, and I’m sure more stuff that I was too buzzed for to remember. What a year!
Oh, before I move on, there was 1 more thing to say. Blast, what was it? I knew I shouldn’t have had all that scotch before meeting with Luca. Um…farming? Something about farming and Dust? What the hell does that mean Ron? Maybe I was more smashed than I thought. Does Dust farming make sense to anyone out there? Oh well, I’m sure more of this will be coming in the near future.
It’s almost time for New Year’s Day. Here’s a quick guideline on an issue that really grinds my gears. Careful with wishing people “Happy New Year.” There’s an appropriate time frame for this statement. As I was going in and out of the newsroom this week, people would say bye and wish me a happy new year. It’s not 2024 yet people! On the flip side, I’ll be walking around in mid January and people are wishing me a happy new year. Too late! There’s a statute of limitations on this greeting folks. Let’s listen in…
Now, for the issue at hand. New Year’s resolutions. What a crock of horse poop. Every year around this time, people begin to self reflect on themselves and the lives they are leading. They realize it might be less than ideal and decide to make a bunch of fake promises to themselves. Things like saving more money, smoking less, spending less time watching TV, losing weight, working out more, cutting out sweets or coffee or drinking, spending more time with family, and on and on. A week later, they are drowning in a pool of coffee, downing donuts and cheeseburgers because they’re too cranky from giving up the good things in life.
Alas, Ron makes no such promises. I stay within reason and accomplish my resolutions because they are things I love to do. For 2024, I will continue fighting with the sarcastic and annoying partner J Peterman. I will continue to not give McGee much of my attention because he is a reporter of sportsball or whatever and that is just not my thing. I will continue to pour myself more glasses of fine whiskey while destroying any Jack Daniels or Jim Beam bottle I see so no one suffers it’s horrible taste. I will continue to announce my fame and be a stellar news anchor for my fans. I will continue the war on pumpkin spice lattes and pineapple on pizza until it becomes outlawed.
This is Ron living life to his fullest. I urge you all to do the same thing. So as the year 2023 comes to a close, don’t set yourself up with unreasonable, unattainable, and boring ass resolutions. Why start the year off with defeat and self pity? You can resolve to make yourself a better person by being nice to others, enjoying the spoils of life, being a better family person, and more. Don’t give up the good things in life because life is too short. Ron sure as shit won’t. To quote one of my best friends, also a Ron, “I’ll take all the bacon and eggs you have. Do you understand?” Cheers to all of you on a good 2023. And Happy New……ha! Not so fast Ron.
F.U.D News Staff (You can now click on our photos to chat with us!)
Pennytar- Founder & CEO
Straight from the circus, he was just clowning around one day online and stumbled into this wacky, low budget, and sarcastic news outlet.
J. Peterman- Chief Sarcasm Officer (CSO) / Fashionista
Once a top level executive at a clothing catalogue company, she finds herself here after an epic fail of an invention. The Urban Sombrero bankrupt the company in spectacular fashion. She now takes sarcastic jabs at outfits worn by flovatars with a better fashion sense than her.
Ron Flogundy- Lead Anchor
After being fired from a reputable news source, Ron found his way into the F.U.D News room. He gave the media outlet a look of credibility when there was none.
Füch Faće McGee– Head of Sportsball Division/Flovalympic Reporter
This Bulgarian-Irish born sports genius made a name for himself by having 1 too many whiskeys while trying to interview the Irish rugby team after a loss and causing a locker room brawl. Naturally, was a must hire for F.U.D.
Kid Chaos- Resident Movie/Horror Correspondent
Not sure where this mysterious dude came from, he kinda showed up out of the shadows. If you need any movie or horror input, he’s your guy. Just don’t get too close to him or make any sudden movements.