NEW FLOBITS AND MY ADVENTURES IN AVIATION
By Ron Flogundy
Greetings Flovatar people and my adoring fans. Ron Flogundy is back with my fresh look at what happened this week. Unfortunately, I am operating on extreme fumes after 3 mostly sleepless nights in Vegas and a few other places. Why was I in Vegas? I’ll get to that in a moment plus the all fun that happened this week in Flovatar.
First off, I would like to address this sorry excuse of a news staff. I showed up for work this morning, barely functioning because of the previously mentioned trip. When I got here, I discovered and empty newsroom. Those other “reporters” chose to not come to work. I started making phone calls and was hearing the most outrageous excuses I have ever heard. Peterman is apparently trying out for a guest spot on The Righteous Gemstones by officiating some wedding in the backwoods of Kentucky. McGee is attending a “kid’s party.” I didn’t even think he was allowed within 20 feet of any kids. And Kid Chaos, well I never ask what he’s been doing for fear of ending up a victim in some horror plot he plays out in head.
Back to the real reporting now. NFT Day was Wednesday and Flovatar had some fun with their community with a day full of new stuff and prizes. The first ever pack drop using Dust went live and it was full of new flobits. These flobits unlocked several new combos that were totally cowabunga. Cowabunga? Why the hell did that come out of my mouth? Yes, the ability to mint some popular cartoon characters from back in the day is now possible. Those Teenaged Mutated Ninja Tortoises have come to the world of Flovatar and people loved it. In fact, the new Zorro mask epic bit might be one of the most sought after flobit I’ve ever seen. Currently, none have even been listed on the market as people have refused to sell. Some are still hidden in the remaining packs. Save up some Dust or buy some at Increment.fi and grab the remaining packs before they’re gone.
Dropping a bunch of new flobits and combos naturally leads to some new minting. There was plenty of that going on Wednesday as well as Flovatar had a monster giveaway for people who minted Flovatars and Psyche Likees. A minting window was opened and all those that participated have a chance at huge prizes like deluxe packs, standard packs, original flobit packs, Dust and more. Prize wheels for this will be spun later on tonight so make sure to check back in Discord to see if you won.
The Bodacious Brazen….you get the point…Battle ended on Wednesday as well. In the end, the wooden baseball bat and combo reigned supreme. This flobit gained lots of fandom from the community as it’s a tribute to a fantastic character from the comic world. Look for this flobit and some more from the contest to be minted soon.
Finally, you might be wondering why I, Ron, was in Vegas this week. Why the hell would I not be in Vegas? It’s paradise. Gambling, drinking, and food 24/7 and no responsibilities. It’s my home away from home. While stumbling…I mean walking…around, I came across this aviation safety seminar. Having been a big fan of the game Flight Simulator, I decided to sneak in and give this a look. The exhibit hall was fantastic. It had open bars that were complimentary for attendees such as myself. Plus, a bunch of airlines were there showcasing their SWAG. Some even had simulators of their own where I could learn to fly a jet in an actual cockpit.
I spent several hours learning how to fly with those pilots and I felt real confident. I asked them when I could get hired. They rudely began laughing at me and said it takes years of training to get to their level. Wanting to show them that was not the case, I left the convention and made my way to the nearest airport. It happened to be the military base but I did not seem to think that was a big deal. After using my credentials to get inside, I found an empty airplane. I put on my fancy new helmet and prepared to show them all that I can do it.
Look how amazing I look. I was born for this job. I decided to put my knowledge I had just learned at the convention to the test and take this little bird for a spin. What could go wrong? I climbed into the cockpit and started up the plane with ease. I turned up the volume on my Kenny Loggins cassette tape piping through my helmet and decided to head for the danger zone. Then things took a turn for the worse.
After getting the bird off the ground, I quickly realized I had no idea what I was doing. As the booze wore off, all of that whiskey strength left my body and was replaced by pure panic. The damn thing went so fast, I had no idea where I was in the country at this point. I couldn’t concentrate on anything because the damn Kenny Loggins song was so loud and on its 8th loop in my helmet. I needed to stop that nonsense to focus. I looked around quickly and saw the “Eject” button. Finally, I could eject this damn cassette tape and focus on the flight…
After realizing I hit the wrong eject button, I was flung out of the bird and parachuted to the ground. It was actually quite the view and peaceful. I’m glad I had this opportunity to check it off my bucket list. Highly recommend it to everyone if you want an amazing view of the planet. I landed in some backyard of a home that belonged to some nice people. After checking my pants, I introduced myself and the nice gentleman suggested we made a call.
The rest of this story is classified and I can’t talk about it pending my trial. I’m sure my celebrity status will be enough to keep me away from prison. That’s how it works right? Famous people like me don’t get punished. So don’t fear fellow Ron fans. I assure you I will return next week with another stellar report for you all. Maybe those lazy co-workers of mine actually show up to work as well. Until then, I am Ron Flogundy wishing you all a farewell. I need to answer this call. It’s my attorney.
F.U.D News Staff
Pennytar- Founder & CEO
Straight from the circus, he was just clowning around one day online and stumbled into this wacky, low budget, and sarcastic news outlet.
J. Peterman- Chief Sarcasm Officer (CSO) / Fashionista
Once a top level executive at a clothing catalogue company, she finds herself here after an epic fail of an invention. The Urban Sombrero bankrupt the company in spectacular fashion. She now takes sarcastic jabs at outfits worn by flovatars with a better fashion sense than her.
Ron Flogundy- Lead Anchor
After being fired from a reputable news source, Ron found his way into the F.U.D News room. He gave the media outlet a look of credibility when there was none.
Füch Faće McGee– Head of Sportsball Division/Flovalympic Reporter
This Bulgarian-Irish born sports genius made a name for himself by having 1 too many whiskeys while trying to interview the Irish rugby team after a loss and causing a locker room brawl. Naturally, was a must hire for F.U.D.
Kid Chaos- Resident Movie/Horror Correspondent
Not sure where this mysterious dude came from, he kinda showed up out of the shadows. If you need any movie or horror input, he’s your guy. Just don’t get too close to him or make any sudden movements.