May 17, 2024 ·

By Ron Flogundy

How’s that for some Friday alliteration? Ron is a legendary wordsmith after all. Anyways, greetings to all my Ron-O-Maniacs. I’m here again to give you a brief update and some joy to your end of the week routine. This week, it’s time to put our sportsball caps back on because McGee is too damn lazy to do his job. He’s a real butt(ker) head.

The Flovatar DAO is live on Toucans for all to see. Luca has been doing some fine tuning behind the scenes to prep the official launch and details. You can expect to see a big amount of Dust added to the DAO along with most of the undistributed flobits. These will be available for the community to use and disburse as they see fit. Feel free to send those whiskey glasses my way.

Speaking of the DAO and all of you community people, it’s time to do some brainstorming. What would you want to see as the next community project? Surely you have something on your wish list to propose to a vote. Now is the time to brainstorm and rally the troops. Soon enough, Luca will pass the proverbial torch (or in my case bottle of Pappy) to you all to let your creative minds loose.

As far as the next project, let me throw my totally unbiased and agenda free idea out there. I suggest using a large amount of Dust to buy a barrel of fine whiskey. Several distilleries offer options for this. We can all meet there, watch them pour it into those beautiful barrels, seal it up, and wait. Then we can come back over the years, sample the delicious nectar, and tell old web3 war stories. Once the whiskey is ready, it gets bottled up and distributed to the DAO for us to split equally (50% to me and 50% to the rest of you). We started way back with a Flovatar coffee collab so why not step it up to a delicious whiskey brand?

Moving on, time for flobits! It’s been a while so now seems like a good time to open up a channel in Discord to let you throw in some submissions. For this, we go to our local correspondent from places unknow, Kid Chaos.

Where in Pappy’s name are your reporting from? Some medieval torture dungeon? No, nevermind. I learned I do not want the answers to my questions from you or I’ll find myself as an accomplice again. That took lots of Ron’s green cheddar to get free from. Anyways, you heard the Kid, get those ideas ready and look for the Backyard Flobits BurnBQ Recipes channel to open up soon to drop your ideas. Woohoo! New flobits. Now, go away Kid, you are creeping me out.

On a side note this week, the NFL (that’s American football for your foreigners) has managed to make a boring, mundane thing fairly entertaining. Earlier this week, they released the schedule for the upcoming 2024 season. Sounds like a snooze headline right? Well, turns out that the teams had another idea.

All of the teams decided to release their schedule in a video short. Some teams were incredibly funny and creative. Others chose to be fairl vanilla. If you haven’t watched these, here are a few highlights that tickled my mustache.

I have to start with the the Titans because they did a hilarious video last year and came right back to the well this year. They took to the streets to show how intelligent their fans were (that was hard to type without laughing). The fans delivered.

Next up is a doozy from the LA Chargers. The team must’ve spent all that money they saved dumping Mike Williams, Keenan Allen, and Austin Ekelers for this Sims version of their release. But hey, who needs a good team when you make a hilarious video calling the the Raiders clowns (twice), making fun of Taylor Swift, and putting Harrison Butker in the kitchen. He really looked good doing those homemaker tasks he’s so preachy about. Check it out (I know it says unavailable but just click the YouTube part).

Rounding out my top 3 are the Philadelphia Eagles. In their video, they decided to do something no doctor ever should do. Ever. A psychological assessment of their fans. These people boo everyone and everything like it’s a bodily function. Pretty sure they booed Santa Claus at one point. Nevertheless, they deliver a funny and strong video. Extra points were given for the Cowboys bashing (yeah yeah same thing as the one above with the link).

There are some other ones with really funny moments. Baltimore and Buffalo are solid. Meanwhile the defending Super Bowl champs did a less than amusing and unoriginal one using a hydraulic crusher. This happens to also be the same thing the Texans did which makes it more lame. Who copied who? If you want to check out all the teams’ videos, you can do so here. Enjoy!

As the legendary Bugs Bunny would say, that’s all folks! I have to go prepare for my visit to a certain college that made the news. I heard there are plenty of homemakers looking for a handsome mustachioed man. Most of the women I meet have those annoying traits like thinking for themselves, being smart, making their own decisions, being successful in careers and other nonsense that the sportsball guy with the wimpiest job in the game said. #DontBeAButt(ker)head

F.U.D News Staff (You can now click on our photos to chat with us!)

Ron Flogundy Sama- Lead Anchor & SHOGUN
After being fired from a reputable news source, Ron found his way into the F.U.D News room. He gave the media outlet a look of credibility when there was none.

J. Petermariko Sama- Chief Sarcasm Officer (CSO) / Translator
Once a top level executive at a clothing catalogue company, she finds herself here after an epic fail of an invention. The Urban Sombrero bankrupt the company in spectacular fashion. She now takes sarcastic jabs at outfits worn by flovatars with a better fashion sense than her.

Pennytar- Founder & CEO / Anjin
Straight from the circus, he was just clowning around one day online and stumbled into this wacky, low budget, and sarcastic news outlet.

Füch Faće McGee– Head of Sportsball Division/Flovalympic Reporter
This Bulgarian-Irish born sports genius made a name for himself by having 1 too many whiskeys while trying to interview the Irish rugby team after a loss and causing a locker room brawl. Naturally, was a must hire for F.U.D.

Kid Chaos- Resident Movie/Horror Correspondent
Not sure where this mysterious dude came from, he kinda showed up out of the shadows. If you need any movie or horror input, he’s your guy. Just don’t get too close to him or make any sudden movements.

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