June 21, 2024 ·

By Ron Flogundy

Greetings loyal followers. The Great Ron Flogundy is back for another Friday edition of everyone’s favorite Flovatar sarcastic news segment. We are currently ranked #1 in that department! This week we have an update from the DAO and some major criminal activity to cover! While I love giving a long winded intro, let’s just get to the meat and potatoes of this week’s main course.

The Flovatar DAO met this week and wants to kick things off in a delicious way. As I eavesdropped on their…I mean I was formally invited and had every right to be there…I heard the word steak several times. This obviously got my mustache super excited because Ron loves steak. Filet, NY strip, ribeye, and all the others. I am an equal opportunity meat eater. Hang on a minute. Peterman is chirping in my ear piece again. What do you mean I spelled steak wrong? S-t-a-k-e? What the hell is that?

Well, I had you all fooled. I totally knew that they meant stake and not the food. No chance was I fooled. After refreshing my memory on this nerdy term, I am ready to give the actual news now. The DAO is launching a new vote for all of you to weigh in on. They want to know how you feel about staking the Flow in the treasury as a means to build up the wallet. The concept is fairly simple. Flow from the wallet would be locked using Increment Fi for a few weeks in order to gain rewards. In this case, more Flow! The vote is live today so make sure you head over to the DAO homepage and make your voice heard.

Next on the DAO’s agenda are those flobit ideas. The preliminary steps have started to sort through the ideas and develop a way for you all to weigh in on what should be minted as the newest bits. There are some exciting possibilities in there so be on the lookout in the coming weeks for more details. Personally, I would love to endorse the whiskey room idea. I feel like it’s an obvious choice as a winner. Ron needs an appropriate background to sip on my elite nectar of the gods.

Flovatar was the victim of an attack this week! Yes, criminal activity reared its ugly head in a shocking turn of events. How did this come about? Let me explain. That slacker McGee showed up at Flovatar HQ after weeks of being away. He appeared to be a bit sad and depressed. I tried to ask what his problem was but he just mumbled something about sportsball and Luka (turns out it wasn’t our Luca) so I left.

The next morning the better Luca (our Luca) posted a message saying our server is under attack by hackers! How dare someone try to mess with our Flovatar world. Little did those amateur criminals know what they were up against. Master coder and computer whiz Luca out dueled them and protected our world from utter collapse. I needed to get to the bottom of this and I knew just were to start.

I looked over security footage from the night before. To my surprise, my hunch was right! That moron McGee was so depressed after his sportsball team got embarrassed that he took to the internet to drown his sorrows. When he was checking his email, he saw a message he couldn’t resist. The title read “Get your Mavz championship t-shirts!” Not noticing the “Z” instead of the “S” in Mavz, he clicked on the spam and opened up our servers to hackers!

I understand the temptation of buying those t-shirts before they get shipped off to some third world countries, but how is McGee so gullible? Has he not heard the stories about some prince needing help? Or a charity established to raise funds for the Krakatoans? I’ll be super impressed whoever gets that TV show reference. Come on McGee. Your Dallas sportsball team losing is no excuse to open the rest of us up to hackers and jeopardize our Flovs. Luckily for us, the real MVP, Luca, was there to save us all!

So there we have it. The DAO is starting to get some things going for you all to weigh in on. One colossal screw up by Füch Faće. Luca saves the day and our world. What a wild week! That’s it for now fans. I always enjoy entertaining you as much as you enjoy listening to me and my award winning coverage. It’s about time for happy hour so cheers! And remember people, spam is only good when it comes in a can. Not in your email.

F.U.D News Staff (You can now click on our photos to chat with us!)

Ron Flogundy Sama- Lead Anchor & SHOGUN
After being fired from a reputable news source, Ron found his way into the F.U.D News room. He gave the media outlet a look of credibility when there was none.

J. Petermariko Sama- Chief Sarcasm Officer (CSO) / Translator
Once a top level executive at a clothing catalogue company, she finds herself here after an epic fail of an invention. The Urban Sombrero bankrupt the company in spectacular fashion. She now takes sarcastic jabs at outfits worn by flovatars with a better fashion sense than her.

Pennytar- Founder & CEO / Anjin
Straight from the circus, he was just clowning around one day online and stumbled into this wacky, low budget, and sarcastic news outlet.

Füch Faće McGee– Head of Sportsball Division/Flovalympic Reporter
This Bulgarian-Irish born sports genius made a name for himself by having 1 too many whiskeys while trying to interview the Irish rugby team after a loss and causing a locker room brawl. Naturally, was a must hire for F.U.D.

Kid Chaos- Resident Movie/Horror Correspondent
Not sure where this mysterious dude came from, he kinda showed up out of the shadows. If you need any movie or horror input, he’s your guy. Just don’t get too close to him or make any sudden movements.

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