THE 2nd FLOVAVERSARY & HOLIDAY FLICKS
By Ron Flogundy
Seasons greeting again to all of you in the Flovatar world. Your favorite news anchor, Ron Flogundy, is back this week to fill you with some more news and knowledge. We are kicking off what proves to be a busy week for Flovatar so get ready. And of course, Christmas is approaching. Last week, I gave you my take on Christmas music. This week, we tackle something I actually like. Movies! Before we get started, I know a lot of the talk is about Christmas this and that around this time. But I would like to give a shoutout to my Hanukkah fans as well. This holiday started today and is continuing on for 8 nights. So Happy Hanukkah to you…
Next week is Flovatar’s 2nd birthday/anniversary/whatever you want to call it and they are bringing the heat with some fun. Luca and the Team announced in the newsletter some sort of “Advent Calendar” but a Flovatar version. Our sources here (an un-named team member that good ole Ron got drunk to spill some of the beans) say it will be a new activity/reward/contest each day leading up to the big day on December 16th.
To get his week of fun kicked off, Flovatar announced a new collaboration with Wonderland. Wonderland is a social experience for your flovs. It’s not really a full game yet but it has a gamification aspect to the idea. You can now go and send your flovs on quests. These quests are timed and can take a couple of days to accomplish. At the end of the quest, you will be airdropped a reward of random rarity. These reward vials can then be exchanged later on for some cool stuff.
There are a few things to keep in mind with this new collab. First, it’s only available for flovs on a Blocto wallet because, well you know, Dapper wallet is never easy. And second, if you sell flovs on the marketplace, your quest rewards will carry over to the new owner. This adds another nice wrinkle into buying and selling. You can head over to Wonderland now by clicking here to start questing.
So day 1 of the birthday celebration is off to a good start with this collab. Make sure to check back tomorrow for another day of mystery announcements. Now, moving onto the holiday movie season. There are so many good holiday movies that I find it hard to narrow down the ones I can truly rank as my top 5. I’m going to try anyway.
HONORABLE MENTION: Since a top 5 only has, well 5, I needed to make this to get the rest of my favorites out there. In no particular order we have Scrooged, Die Hard, National Lampoon’s Vacation (shut up, it’s funny but not the best), The Polar Express, Gremlins, and Edward Scissorhands.
#5 THE NIGHTMARE BEFORE CHRISTMAS:
Is this a Halloween movie or a Christmas movie? I don’t care because I watch it during both if I can. This classic tale is a must so you can have all these catchy songs in your head. This being on the list has nothing to do with it being Mrs. Flogundy’s favorite holiday movie. Absolutely nothing to do with her mentioning to me over and over again that it better be on the list or she’s gonna start smashing bourbon bottles.
#4 THE NIGHT BEFORE
I added this to my list the day I saw it in the theater. Sometimes you need some good stoner comedy fun for the holidays and this movie delivers. A group of friends make a pact to spend every Christmas Eve together after one of them loses his parents as a kid. They spend the night looking for the best party in New York. Dressed in ridiculous ugly Christmas sweaters that I would love, chaos ensues. This is not your gather the kids, family friendly movie so enjoy it while they are not around.
#3 BAD SANTA
Another not safe for kids movie makes my list. This Billy Bob classic is a must. It follows a thief as a grumpy, alcoholic mall Santa who steals merchandise. This Santa is a grade a jackass. He reminds me of what I might be if I wasn’t such a successful news anchor. The late greats Bernie Mac and John Ritter also have some classic exchanges here which makes this a comedic masterpiece.
You can’t go a holiday season without watching Buddy the Elf and his journey in New York. Will Ferrel plays a gigantic elf in this classic with the rugged James Caan as his long lost dad. The movie has so many funny, quotable moments it’s hard to pick one. Let’s not forget Buddy’s fight with the great Tyrion Lannister too.
#1 HOME ALONE
I am going way back to the 1990s on this top pick for Christmas. It was a simpler time in the world and little Macaulay Culkin was still an innocent little boy, unaware of the train wreck he would become. His other brother is more famous now (watch Succession if you haven’t). This movie is just the best. You know you all tried to recreate all of little Kevin’s pranks on your parents. It’s a timeless tale that never gets old. Plus it takes place in Chicago, which makes it even better. (Fun fact. You could rent the house on Airbnb each year for the holidays).
There you have it folks. Ron’s amazing list of holiday fun for all to enjoy. My preferred way is with a big glass of egg nog that has loads of whiskey in it. Add in holiday cookies and a toasty fireplace and that’s all you need for a good Ron-style night. Speaking of, it’s egg nog o’clock right now. See you all next week for another Pulitzer Prize caliber report from yours truly. Happy Festivus.
MUSINGS OF A FÜCH FAĆE
by Füch Faće McGee
What’s up, Füchos?! Surprised to see me back so soon? Ole McGee took Peterman’s words to heart and who am I to deny the people what they want? So I’m back, my words stormin’ FUDNews like a Jan 6th Insurrectionist.
Today, we’re going to focus on the Flovalympics. Name that Flovatar, the first leg of this three-part race, is in the books and Team Zelda has raced out to an early lead. Zelda, thanks to the try-hard, know-it-all captaincy of Mrs.Wildturkey, was the lone team to get through the ten-part questionnaire unblemished, with a time of 30 minutes and 26 seconds. The Devil’s Advocates, still in the running for a place on the medal stand, finished 2nd with a time of 1 hour, 15 minutes and 50 seconds. 3rd place was captured by the quick-twitch fingers of Richraz and team F-100 with a time of 1 hour, 40 minutes and 12 seconds.
As for the other teams…yikes. Maybe everyone was letting their kids answer? Too much whiskey made them pass out in the middle of the questions?
The good news is that there are two more opportunities to catch up to Team Zelda. And the first of those opportunities is The Soliaire Challenge – a true test for the lonely souls of Flovatar. Google can’t help you win this one. This is a game where it’s just you and a digital deck of cards. Where every click counts. Every shrewd move measured. And only the true elites of Flovatar competition will survive this one. There are no power-ups on this board. No river cards to save you. In this game, every card turned is a fable unfolded. Will it be a tale of triumph? Or tragedy? Only you, and the random card generator that Derp coded can determine what happens next.
By the time I check in next week, a winner will have been crowned in our first every Flovalympics. And oh yeah, the prizes…Like I mentioned last week, a brand new, customized flobit will be air dropped for everyone that has actively participated in this year-long gruel of an event. On top of that, word on the street is that there might be a little $DUST to go with these new flobits. We will also be sending a little somethin’ to the captains for their efforts in this event, as well as bonus rewards for those that have helped them along the way. And …big $DUST bonuses for the top 3 teams. Woohoo!
So until next week, Füchos! Good luck to everyone still competing in the Flovalympics!
F.U.D News Staff
Pennytar- Founder & CEO
Straight from the circus, he was just clowning around one day online and stumbled into this wacky, low budget, and sarcastic news outlet.
J. Peterman- Chief Sarcasm Officer (CSO) / Fashionista
Once a top level executive at a clothing catalogue company, she finds herself here after an epic fail of an invention. The Urban Sombrero bankrupt the company in spectacular fashion. She now takes sarcastic jabs at outfits worn by flovatars with a better fashion sense than her.
Ron Flogundy- Lead Anchor
After being fired from a reputable news source, Ron found his way into the F.U.D News room. He gave the media outlet a look of credibility when there was none.
Füch Faće McGee– Head of Sportsball Division/Flovalympic Reporter
This Bulgarian-Irish born sports genius made a name for himself by having 1 too many whiskeys while trying to interview the Irish rugby team after a loss and causing a locker room brawl. Naturally, was a must hire for F.U.D.
Kid Chaos- Resident Movie/Horror Correspondent
Not sure where this mysterious dude came from, he kinda showed up out of the shadows. If you need any movie or horror input, he’s your guy. Just don’t get too close to him or make any sudden movements.