June 16, 2023 ·

by Ron Flogundy

My edits for Luca to consider

Hello to all my Flogundians. I’m Ron Flogundy and it’s time for your favorite Friday activity; listening to me! While I’m sure you would love to hear about your favorite Lead Anchor for hours on end, it’s been a busy Friday in the world of Flovatar. I’ve got a lot to cover so let’s just dive in.

Today, Luca released an article highlighting the structure of the Flovatar DAO. After weeks of planning, the community can start preparing for the future of the project. Let’s focus on a few of the big highlights from the article.

The DAO Council. This sounds important and something that Ron needs to be on. It will be comprised of elected members from the community who will oversee the main parts of the DAO, including the allocation of some $Dust funds. This is definitely something Ron needs to be on. Allow me to announce my candidacy for this. I would be great and promise that the power will definitely not go to my head. Think of all the fine whiskey I can buy with these funds. I can buy this whole damn news company and get rid of that clown finally. Ok, ok. Focus Ron.

The council will budget for proposals that focus on 3 main areas of Flovatar; Creative, Development, and Community. Any Flovatar owner may run for these offices. More information will be coming soon on how to throw your hat in the ring and run for election. Everyone will get a chance to plead their case and win over voters so start to craft those speeches. Good luck beating a professional wordsmith like myself. No I will not be consulting Chat GPT for this.

The other major story from the article was the launch of $DUST. Yes, it’s time to revisit the topic and put the token release to another vote. The vote will re-open on June 26th with a potential launch date of mid July if the vote passes. Personally, I need one of these Psyche Likee things. They are adorable and will probably do whatever I tell it. No more boring meetings for Ron. Those furry fellows will be sitting in from now on.

My vision of the future. Me smoking and the PL talking to them.

Let’s see….what else? Need a little sip here of my whis…water. My water. It helps jog my memory. Aha! Flovatar also announced the start of Zealy Quests. This platform provides a new, fun way for communities to have fun by completing various challenges to climb the leaderboards. The prizes are pretty massive. Check these out…

OG packs are still the greatest. I don’t care what others say. Nothing gets Ron more excited than the thrill of the pack rip and hoping to see that magical legendary booster hiding. Make sure to visit the Flovatar community page on Zealy, create a free account, and start completing those quests. Oh look, reading the news is one of them. Talk about cheap advertising and panhandling. Dumb clown needs some marketing advice. Doesn’t he know tumbleweed GIFs are the way to go?

Last week I covered the return of that wretched Mint Night Club. They have brought some of the lowest of low to this Flovatar utopia. Bums in underwear. Large, overweight, g-string wearing men. Hillbillies. Well, they’ve done it again as I foreshadowed. Last week, Flovatar saw an increase in cult members. These white robed, red medallion wearing degenerates invaded the showroom and continue to grow. I managed to interview one of their leaders. Look at what this whack job said. “It’s an alien worship cult waiting for the arrival of an elder god named Makatari, who will ascend them into guided vessels of death and destruction.” Ok, wtf? This Mint Club must be stopped. Let’s not forget the endless amount of trolls running around as a result of them as well. There are no aliens coming. If they do show up, I’ll drink the worst of the worst. A glass of Jim Beam.

Premiers today!

And finally, episode 5 of “A Dust Odyssey” premiered today. The highly entertaining saga about a group of Flovans exploring a foreign planet in search of Dust has captivated the Flovatar world. Last week, the crew met their first human. He was a drunkard wearing a Malort shirt. Nothing says low class more than that. If anyone wants to know what dirt tastes like, take a shot of that stuff. Considering Peterman drugged me with that horrible spirit to get me here, I should know. Make sure to listen in today to see what happens next. Oh, and keep claiming those floats. Might be worth something in the end. Not sure but just saying.

Well that’s more than enough for this week. I’m starting to get writers cramp and have some cotton mouth going on right now. Need to stretch these fingers around a nice Glencairn glass and get my weekend started. The Dust has settled for this week Flogundians. Ron Flogundy signing off.

By J. Peterman Ron Flogundy

Flovatar’s most fashionable and snarky reporter is still striking with the Hollywood writers but last night after a few cocktails, I noticed she left a box of clothes in her office. No, I was not snooping around.

Since she can’t bother to come to the station and submit her stories, I decided the clothes were fair game to review. I stripped naked in the news room (not the first time this has happened) and tried on the first piece.

Oh no. Oh no no no. Why anyone would wear these monstrosities unless they were preparing to jump out of plane is beyond me. I almost drowned getting into the second denim leg. Better change into something more flattering.

Do uh….do these effectively show off my thunder? Don’t act like you’re not impressed. I understand why Britney and Xtina wore these suits so often in the 2000s.

I do not believe that anyone actually wore coats like this. It says it’s made of Gore Tex? I can’t even turn around in this thing. I better leave these clothes alone until Peterman comes back.

by Füch Faće McGee

Welcome to another edition of Musings, Füchamaniacs! We’re going to take a look back on the week that was and get you caught up on all of this Füch Faće’s Hot Sports Opinions. And we’ll also have a few notes on what’s coming in the days ahead to make sure your ready for this big sports weekend. So let’s get started on our spin around the sports globe!

The Metaverse Football League will be starting their first ever league season in early July. And to whet everyone’s appetite for the ensuing virtual football action, they will kick things off by hosting a pre-season tournament starting next week. The tournament will include 3 divisions of varying skill levels and will include group stage play followed by a single-elimination knockout stage.

We here at FUDNews (and Flovatar!) are big supporters of the MFL. So naturally a handful of Flovatar owners we will be submitting teams for entry into both the pre-season tournament and upcoming league season. If you’d like to join in on the fun, jump into Discord and reach out to a Community Rep to let them know you are IN! And of course, each of my Füchamaniacs out there will be updated on every bit of the intense MFL action weekly via the #1 resource for sports in all the Metaverse!

Side note – My editor suggested that I brush up on my football knowledge so that I’m prepared to provide these weekly golden morsels of information to all of you. I suppose he’s forgotten than I’m Bulgarian-born and we basically invented football. Hey Ron – why don’t you google “fourth place finish at the 1994 World Cup” and let me know what you find. That’s right, the Lions sipped from that sweet 4th Place Cup back in ’94 and we’ve been drunk off the back of our mighty conquest ever since. So don’t worry about my football knowledge, Füchos. Ole Füch Faće is on top of it.

Watch it and weep, Ron

The NBA finally crowned it’s champion for the 2022-2023 season as the Denver Nuggets completed a “Gentlemen’s Sweep” of the Miami Heat earlier this week. Led by my Balkan brother Nikola Jokic, whose display of excitement after the victory more closely matched that of a man learning his mother-in-law would be staying with him for the next 6 weeks, the Nuggets captured the first title in the franchise’s history.

Jokic being super excited about the celebration

On behalf of the entire FUDNews staff, we would like to congratulate our very own AJ, who got to see his Nuggets take home the trophy in person on Monday night. AJ has been unavailable for comment since early this week, but the FUDNews desk has received reports of a young man with a New Jersey accent wandering the streets of Denver on Thursday during the championship parade, chugging from a champagne bottle and posing for selfies with his AR Flovatars as the Nugget players passed by.

We’re about a month away from the WNBA’s All-Star Game and we need YOU to help us stuff those virtual ballot-boxes for those Las Vegas Aces! Just go here, set the filter to only Aces, and make your selections. You can vote daily through Wednesday the 21st. And if you don’t want to do it for your buddy Füch Faće (who is deeply regretful for leaving the WNBA out of his column last week), do it for MusicMel…we’re counting on YOUR vote!

The NHL also has a new champion. The Las Vegas Knights earned their first championship on Tuesday night by beating the Florida Panthers in 5 games. Rest easy, all you life-long Knight fans…the years of suffering are over!

And finally, as promised, you can find your favorite sports genius on Twitter! Don’t be afraid to give me a follow…you never know what useful information you’ll find while doom-scrolling on the toilet.

F.U.D News Staff

Pennytar- Founder & CEO
Straight from the circus, he was just clowning around one day online and stumbled into this wacky, low budget, and sarcastic news outlet.

J. Peterman- Chief Sarcasm Officer (CSO) / Fashionista
Unable to deal with all of the fashion faux-pas she saw in Flovatar, J. Peterman lobbied the F.U.D. News editors to let her write a weekly fashion column. No one is safe from her rants.

Ron Flogundy- Lead Anchor
After being fired from a reputable news source, Ron found his way into the F.U.D News room. He gave the media outlet a look of credibility when there was none.

Füch Faće McGee- Head of Sportsball Division/Flovalympic Reporter
This Bulgarian-Irish born sports genius made a name for himself by having 1 too many whiskeys while trying to interview the Irish rugby team after a loss and causing a locker room brawl. Naturally, was a must hire for F.U.D.

Kid Chaos- Resident Movie/Horror Correspondent
Not sure where this mysterious dude came from, he kinda showed up out of the shadows. If you need any movie or horror input, he’s your guy. Just don’t get too close to him or make any sudden movements.

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