December 16, 2023 ·

By Ron Flogundy

Happy Birthday Flovatar! I’m Ron Flogundy, the legendary news anchor here at this common news entity. Good god Luca. What a week full of good stuff. What’s that saying? We were drinking through a fire hose this week? Can you imagine how fast I could get buzzed drinking through a fire hose? Note to self, visit local fire department to discuss pumping whiskey through the fire hose for an experiment. But I digress. Now, back to the business at hand. There has been so much going on this week and so little time to review it all. Let’s get started.

The week kicked off with Flovatar’s version of a mini advent calendar. Each day leading up to the anniversary today, a new box was unveiled to reveal a new surprise. Why have only 1 day of fun when you can have 9? Duh. In case you missed out on the calendar, I’ve got you covered.

Flova Advent Calendar

Last week, we kicked off this calendar with the reveal of the Wonderland collab. That was just the start though. As the time went by and the week got longer, it just got better. Much like a fine whiskey. A new minting promo was launched for new flovatars and psyche likees. Everyone who minted between the promo timeframe will be getting their hands on some brand new flobits via an airdrop. Almost forgot to mention that these new mints are also eligible to win a 3D printed flov from their collection! 10 random wallets will win one of these 3D prints from Luca.

Let me tell you, these new flobits are amazing. Um…I’m guessing. In no way was I able to sneak into a meeting and see them. That did not happen. Each newly minted flov or psyche likee will earn new flobits. The rarer the mint, the more bits you get. The drop will be random so everyone has a shot at scoring some legendary ones. There’s still a little time to hit the builder and mint some new characters before the deadline.

Speaking of new flobits, the upgrader got a fresh resupply this week. The upgrader is a way for people to burn flobits they may not want or need for a higher tier flobit. This was the first addition to the supply since it launched back on Dust Day. There are some doozies in there for people to earn. Some of the Big Bad Bodacious Bonanza Bourbon Bits Bracket Contest (that’s the name right?) flobits found their way into the upgrader. And with new bits comes great combinations. Not all of the new combos have been discovered yet so see if you can figure them out. A second wave of new bits will drop as rewards for the minting promo I just mentioned.

Moving on to our next tasty new reveal, we have the long awaited asteroid islands! Luca had a short AMA in Discord to screen share some alpha. The islands are coming along nicely and he felt it was time for everyone to get a chance to play around. The islands have been added to the builder for everyone to enjoy. You can check them out in the builder here. If you missed the AMA, never fear because that droid Craig never misses a show. He was there recording it for all of you to listen at your convenience. You can find the link to the taping here.

This is such a mouthful to cover. I need to cleanse my vocal cords with some brown water. Standby as I refresh myself………….Ok, I managed for my buzz to get back to legendary anchor level so we can continue. Friday also saw the next drop of A Dust Odyssey. This epic saga of our favorite Flova Crew is now on episode 18! Wow that’s a lot. There are only 2 more left after this so make sure you catch up on all that you may have missed. This has been a highly entertaining tale with tons of references and guest cameos from you! That’s right. A lot of you Ron Fans have made appearances so you are now slightly famous. Not Ron level famous because so few are.

Have you had enough yet? No? Well I have. I’m getting thirsty and I need some beauty rest before the big event. Today, Flovatar will cap off this week of celebration with a party in the Discord chat. Come and hang out with Luca and company because you never know what will happen. There’s one last calendar day box to reveal. Wait a minute…..What’s that? It appears we are getting some breaking news.

Wow! Look at that. What an image. It’s so beautiful. The hair is so perfectly combed. The mustache is brimming with confidence. Freshly trimmed and waxed. What’s that Peterman? Talk about the photo? I am! I’m discussing how handsome I look. Oh, the other photo. Fine. Yeah we found this bit of info for you so if you can take your eyes off of the charming man on the left, go ahead and make some guesses. This has been a pleasure for you all I know. Usually is when Ron is on the stage. Time to go get ready for later. If you see me around later, stop by for a chat. I’m always willing to talk to my fans. Stay classy Flovatar.

by Füch Faće McGee

It’s a wrap! What launched as an idea in January has finally come to an end in December. The Flovatar Flovalympics are done and the name Team Zelda will forever echo through the halls of Flovatar lore.

Team Captain Mrs.WildTurkey showed why Team Zelda was at or near the top for the entirety of the Flovalympic games when she broke the final event. Lapping the field numerous times, Mrs. Leeroy Jenkins Turkey gave Zelda a seemingly insurmountable lead in the 1st part of the 3-part challenge by answering every question without error in an impressive 30 minutes. The team had a strong 3rd place showing in The Solitaire Challenge, and then finished off the event with 1st place Putt Party score. It was a magnificent display of sheer mental sport, herculean levels of focus, and a white linebacker’s grit. Wow, indeed.

The Devil’s Advocates and Space Pirates ended the competition as the first losers tied for 2nd place. It was a tight battle the entire games with the three teams, and it stayed that way through the final event. The Devils placed 3rd in the event, earning 10 points while drawing even for the competition with their foe. The Space Pirates finished 5th in the event, largely due to a poor showing in Name that Flovatar that not even a more sensible scoring system could have fixed.

Special shoutout to the F100 team, who finished the final event 2nd. If not for a mid-season meltdown in March Madness and a poor showing in a September poker tournament, Team F100 would have been right in mix with the top 3 squads down the stretch.

While the Flovalympics dominated the Sports World this past week (year really), there were some other big stories that came down the pike this week…

*How much would it take you to sit through 3 hours of pure boredom every day for 6 months of the year, sometimes in 100 degree heat, sometimes in the rain, always in uniform for the next 10 years? Apparently for Shohei Ohtani, that number was $700 million. Yeah, that’s a lot of money. But it is baseball. Sounds more like a Fear Factor challenge to me. No thanks!

*So Tommy DeVito, the new quarterback for the New York Giants, grew up 30 minutes from where the team plays. And this is his agent? And you’re trying to convince people that the NFL is NOT scripted? Ok…

*Speaking of football, the Dallas Cowboys beat the Philadelphia Eagles 33-13 this last Sunday while Dak Prescott strengthened his case for league MVP (words that have never been written). As a Cowboy fan, with the post-season fast approaching, this might be our last moment of happiness this season. How ’bout them Cowboys!

That’s all you’re getting from me this week, Füchos! Hope everyone has enjoyed this week of celebration, and can’t wait to see the new <<REDACTED>> in action after it’s revealed later today!

F.U.D News Staff

Pennytar- Founder & CEO
Straight from the circus, he was just clowning around one day online and stumbled into this wacky, low budget, and sarcastic news outlet.

J. Peterman- Chief Sarcasm Officer (CSO) / Fashionista
Once a top level executive at a clothing catalogue company, she finds herself here after an epic fail of an invention. The Urban Sombrero bankrupt the company in spectacular fashion. She now takes sarcastic jabs at outfits worn by flovatars with a better fashion sense than her.

Ron Flogundy- Lead Anchor
After being fired from a reputable news source, Ron found his way into the F.U.D News room. He gave the media outlet a look of credibility when there was none.

Füch Faće McGee– Head of Sportsball Division/Flovalympic Reporter
This Bulgarian-Irish born sports genius made a name for himself by having 1 too many whiskeys while trying to interview the Irish rugby team after a loss and causing a locker room brawl. Naturally, was a must hire for F.U.D.

Kid Chaos- Resident Movie/Horror Correspondent
Not sure where this mysterious dude came from, he kinda showed up out of the shadows. If you need any movie or horror input, he’s your guy. Just don’t get too close to him or make any sudden movements.

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