December 22, 2023 ·

By Ron Flogundy

Greetings people of Flova and creatures of Earth too! That’s right, Ron’s fan base is able to expand now to include humans thanks to Flova Labs’ new device. I can’t believe it. I’m going to be famous across 2 planets now. No news anchor has ever done this. Suck it Bill O’Reilly. While I’m sure you all would love to hear about how my fame will be growing, I have a lot to cover regarding FlovaChat so there’s little time to waste. Otherwise, it will drag into happy hour and that just can’t happen.

Last week, Flovatar revealed a big surprise for their 2nd Anniversary. FlovaChat brings the ability to talk to any Flov you desire. This groundbreaking device works to translate Flovan to any language you choose. If you start a conversation in Italian, the Flov will reply in Italian. Want to speak German? Wunderbar! Now you can. This has good ole Ron super excited. Now all of my fans can come talk to me about anything they choose, anytime. No need to wait for my weekly words of genius in the news. Stop by anytime and chat. How often do you get access to a celebrity like me? Truly a gift. Now, let’s dive into the basics of this awesome new feature.

Simply go to the Flovatar website. Once there, you will see a menu button that says “Chat.” Click on that and it will take you to a directory of all of the Flovs that have been unlocked and customized. You will see some text bubbles describing some of their specialities or what to expect from a conversation. Choose the one you want and start chatting. You can also get to any Flovs chat by typing number). Just don’t talk to McGee. I can see by his bubble he’s looking for a rumble. Nice $0.50 glass of swill McGee. Peasant.

As a Flovatar owner, you have the ability to customize each Flov you own for their chat. It’s sort of like creating their personalities. Don’t worry, there is no programming skills required because, you know, Ron doesn’t do nerd speak. We have Flovatars that are experts in sportsball, food, drinking, humor, and tons more. Get yours customized ASAP to bring more life into their character. Here’s how….

First, you will want to go to the Flovatar website and login. Once you are there, go to your collections page and select Flovatars. Pick which one you would like to unlock and click it. You will see a new button that says “Chat.” This is your way of getting to the page you need to be on.

Clicking on the “Chat” button will take you to a page shown to the right. If you are logged in and own the Flovatar, you will see the little gear icon on the top left. This is the settings button so click on it.

FInally, you will come to a screen shown to the left. This is where you spend the Dust to unlock your Flovatar’s Chat menu. Click on “Unlock Feature” and sign the transaction. Now you are all set to go! The “Description” box will be what the public will see in your Flov’s text bubble on the chat page. Use this to tell everyone their name and maybe something they are experts in so people know what to talk about. The “Instructions” box is where you will do the nerd programming stuff. All you have to do is write the instructions in plain text. That’s it! For example, you can write “Tell people how amazing Ron Flogundy is.” Or “You are Ron’s biggest fan and need to tell everyone that.” Just a few suggestions. They can speak in riddles, rhymes, or any other format you want. The possibilities are endless so have some fun.

Did you notice anything interesting about the screenshot above by the way? It says 1000 Dust. That is not a typo because Ron doesn’t make mistakes. Flovatar announced an early adopter’s bonus that is going on right now. The cost to unlock the chat feature is only 1000 Dust instead of the regularly priced 5000. This promo ends on January 1st so hurry up. Those who unlock the chat feature during this promo will also earn an airdrop of 3 new random flobits. There are so many combos and cool things with these new bits that you’d be a McGee to not take advantage. Yes, being a McGee is bad.

Finally, I, Ron Flogundy, decided to give back to you! Well, 1 of you. I’m not Roham rich. After your read this ENTIRE news edition (Yes, even though my inferior co-workers aren’t as amazing as yours truly, I support their attempts at writing), head on over and find me for a chat. You should probably ask me about my contest. I’ll give you a literary masterpiece of a clue and off you go. First person to figure out the song I am referring to and tag my boss (WildTurkey008) in general chat will earn 1000 Dust from me to unlock one of your Flovs for the promo. I know. Not only am I a world class anchor but a charitable one as well. Seasons Greetings to you all and I will see you once again a few days before we turn the page on 2023.

By J. Peterman

This year, I was put in charge of the Holiday party here at FUD news and I’m here to tell you it was a SPLASH. Here’s some video I got from last night.

Everything went swimmingly. We even got a group picture!

At the end of the evening, I gave a hearty bit of cash to each bartender, as I knew they had to deal with Ron all night. Seriously, they should receive hazard pay. As should all of our workers in the retail and service industries. This is your friendly reminder to not be a grinch this year.

Speaking of, I’d like to call your attention to a new function that was rolled out in Discord this week. Thanks to the always innovative Derp, you can now tip Dust or Flow functions in the Flovatar Discord.

Directions here

I also want to highlight challenge that Derp started. Who better to receive a bit of thanks this year than your friendly Flovatar community reps? WildTurkey and Marlin (No relation to Flogundy and Fuch Face) volunteered time and energy throughout the year. Whether it be running Flovalympics, spinning countless Wheels, wrangling you all to play poker, managing fantasy football leagues, dealing with spammers in Discord or putting up with my shit, they deserve to be thanked. My only request is that you tip in ridiculous numbers — 69 $DUST for example.

If you don’t have the extra budget this year, no worries. Just post a GIF in general chat that reminds you of them. For example, WildTurkey is a vegan and loves to see pictures of tofu. Marlin is a huge Texas A & M fan and can’t get enough GIFs of Johnny Manziel.

I hope you all have a great holiday season and don’t fall for any scams! Remember, if someone comes into Discord and tells you they’ll show you how to make $30,000 in 3 days, don’t click the link!

by Füch Faće McGee

Hey Füch Face Fans! For this issue of FUDNews we are gonna do things a little different. With the release of FlovaChat this week, coupled with the fact that I need to start my Christmas shopping, I’m going to have FüchFaceGPT write my article for me while I monitor and make sure this thing stays on course! So go ahead AI McGee, do your thing!

AI McGee: Good morning, sports enthusiasts, statisticians, and Ron Flogundy – who I assume still counts victories using his fingers and toes. Today, let’s tackle the beast of sports predictions, a fickle creature often as reliable as a weather forecast in the Bermuda Triangle.

An early dig at Ron — couldn’t have asked for a better lede!

AI McGee: Imagine, if you will, a world where numbers reign supreme, where stats are as sacred as the Flovatar creed, and every game’s outcome is predestined by the holy algorithms. Welcome to the delusion that’s been spoon-fed to us by the so-called ‘experts’ who couldn’t predict the score of a one-team match. Now, picture the look on Ronny’s face – you know, the clueless wonder at the FUDNews sports desk – when last week’s “guaranteed” stats fell apart faster than his argument defending the use of a typewriter in 2023. Pure gold, folks.

Love the repeated body blows to ole Ronny, but let’s slow down with the stat bashing.

AI McGee: You see, stats are the safety blanket for those who can’t stomach the thought of chaos reigning on the turf. But any true sports fan – and I’m not referring to armchair pundits like Flogundy – knows that the heart, the hustle, and the harrowing human element are what truly tilt the field. Take the recent game where the underdogs, with odds stacked against them like blocks in a cosmic game of Jenga, emerged victorious. Their star player, who statistically should’ve been about as impactful as a screen door on a submarine, turned in a performance that’ll be etched into sports lore – and into Flogundy’s nightmares.

Have you ever heard of something called a sample size, Füch Face?! Outliers happen all the time, FFS!

AI McGee: So let’s raise a glass to the unpredictability of sports, to the hopes and dreams that stats can’t measure, and to the knowledge that no matter how many numbers you crunch, they’ll never capture the spirit of the game. Remember, the next time someone shoves a spreadsheet filled with “surefire” predictions in your face, laugh heartily, channel your inner Flovatar, and remind them that sports isn’t math class – and thank the stars for that. Until the next whistle blows, stay unpredictable, stay feisty, and for the love of all things Flovatar, don’t be a Flogundy.

First of all, how dare you. I draw the line at spreadsheet slander, no matter how many shots at Ron this thing wants to take. AI McGee clearly needs more instruction before it’s asked to publish anything else. My apologies Füchamaniacs! You all deserve better! But since my wife won’t be happy with another bath bomb and a $4 bundle of grocery store flowers on Christmas morning, I’ve gotta spend whatever mental energy I still have on picking out a thoughtful gift. Happy holidays, Flovans!

F.U.D News Staff (You can now click on our photos to chat with us!)

Pennytar- Founder & CEO
Straight from the circus, he was just clowning around one day online and stumbled into this wacky, low budget, and sarcastic news outlet.

J. Peterman- Chief Sarcasm Officer (CSO) / Fashionista
Once a top level executive at a clothing catalogue company, she finds herself here after an epic fail of an invention. The Urban Sombrero bankrupt the company in spectacular fashion. She now takes sarcastic jabs at outfits worn by flovatars with a better fashion sense than her.

Ron Flogundy- Lead Anchor
After being fired from a reputable news source, Ron found his way into the F.U.D News room. He gave the media outlet a look of credibility when there was none.

Füch Faće McGee– Head of Sportsball Division/Flovalympic Reporter
This Bulgarian-Irish born sports genius made a name for himself by having 1 too many whiskeys while trying to interview the Irish rugby team after a loss and causing a locker room brawl. Naturally, was a must hire for F.U.D.

Kid Chaos- Resident Movie/Horror Correspondent
Not sure where this mysterious dude came from, he kinda showed up out of the shadows. If you need any movie or horror input, he’s your guy. Just don’t get too close to him or make any sudden movements.

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