May 3, 2024 ·

By Ron Flogundy

Greetings die hard Flogundians. Miss me? I know I missed myself. I’m back from my mini hiatus to bring you some Friday entertainment. However, this may not be much of a pleasure for some of you. So where was Ron this last week? Well, I’ve been neck deep investigating nerd stuff to bring you some news. Honestly, I spent maybe an hour on it and then was lost in the world of Shogun again but that’s beyond the point. It’s the effort that counts. Away we go…

Before we dive into my investigative report, I happen to stumble across something else during my research. Turns out, I may have found a mythical and rare creature. Something that rivals such legends as Sasquatch and Loch Ness. I know the suspense is killing you so here it is. I found an attractive nerd. Mind blown? I know mine was. People have told me these are common nowadays but I haven’t seen one yet. Just listen to the one and only Mila Kunis speak like she knows what she’s doing.

I know this is from a while back but its new to me. What an interesting idea! Create NFTs that give the owners access to an animated show starring the characters themselves. This gave me an idea. How cool would it be to see all of the Flovans on a TV show like this? We need to get this attractive nerd to notice us and put us on TV. I call on all Flovans to hit the social media outlets and message/tag/DM this Mila Kunis gal. What’s that Petermariko Sama? You want me to read the follow up to this? But I’m in the middle of my creative idea rant…

Well, so much for that idea. Forget everything I said. Stupid government entities always ruining my fun. I guess I can shift to my little bit of investigative work from this past week. By now, everyone should know about this Cadence 1.0 upgrade. If you don’t, there’s tons of material out there written in heavy nerd speak for you to sift through. You can start by checking out this forum on Flow.

I’m sure all that stuff written there gets these devs very excited about the update. As a simple user, I just want to be excited for improvements to the blockchain. This sounds like that from what I can make of it. But then my brilliant mind began to wonder about an unintended (or maybe intended) consequence of this.

Remember back a few years when this market was just on fire? There were hundreds of new projects coming out every week. Any moron with some decent art skills was able to put out some kind of NFT for all of us to go nuts over. How many different kinds of animals did you all buy? I know that I may have dabbled in some impulse buys while sipping on God’s elixir. The one thing that all of my hippos, goats, dogs, pigs and more have in common now is that they have been either M.I.A for months or officially over. I asked Chickism about his goats but they began foaming at the mouth with rage so I ended the interview rather quickly.

So what happens when all of the nerds from these lost projects don’t do the Cadence update? That was a burning question for me. I dove deep and looked to interview some people who can shed light on this. By deep, I mean I thought about it for 30 minutes and talked to 2 people. Ron goes all out in his investigative reports. Leave most stones unturned is my motto.

Turns out, this update should be great unless you are in the group I mentioned above. If those project devs don’t come out of hiding or hibernation for this migration, my wallet full of animals (and yours) will be much lighter. As in, they’ll be gone. Unaccessible. Lost. Whatever you want to call it. Sure I know a lot of those things are worthless (again, I refer to Chickism and their beloved Goats) but some of the art is cool. Plus, Ron likes to keep his reminders of how drunk purchases can go wrong.

So there you go. We have been hearing about Cadence 1.0 mostly because Luca has been neck deep in it to make sure Flovatar is ready for the migration. But I was not sure how many of you were thinking about the other angle to this. So go now. Cherish these moments you have left with your furry, impulse bought, and likely worthless pieces of art. You may never get to see them again. This is Ron, signing off. Good night and good luck.

DISCLAIMER: If any of this very short research turns out to be false, I, Ron Flogundy hold myself personally NOT responsible. All comments and anger should be directed to Petermariko Sama because as Shogun, I make the rules and take none of the blame.

F.U.D News Staff (You can now click on our photos to chat with us!)

Ron Flogundy Sama- Lead Anchor & SHOGUN
After being fired from a reputable news source, Ron found his way into the F.U.D News room. He gave the media outlet a look of credibility when there was none.

J. Petermariko Sama- Chief Sarcasm Officer (CSO) / Translator
Once a top level executive at a clothing catalogue company, she finds herself here after an epic fail of an invention. The Urban Sombrero bankrupt the company in spectacular fashion. She now takes sarcastic jabs at outfits worn by flovatars with a better fashion sense than her.

Pennytar- Founder & CEO / Anjin
Straight from the circus, he was just clowning around one day online and stumbled into this wacky, low budget, and sarcastic news outlet.

Füch Faće McGee– Head of Sportsball Division/Flovalympic Reporter
This Bulgarian-Irish born sports genius made a name for himself by having 1 too many whiskeys while trying to interview the Irish rugby team after a loss and causing a locker room brawl. Naturally, was a must hire for F.U.D.

Kid Chaos- Resident Movie/Horror Correspondent
Not sure where this mysterious dude came from, he kinda showed up out of the shadows. If you need any movie or horror input, he’s your guy. Just don’t get too close to him or make any sudden movements.

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