July 21, 2023 ·

By Ron Flogundy

Greetings Flovans, I am Ron Flogundy. Thank you. Thank you for the applause you are giving me right now. I can hear it all the way here. You may be seated. This week, episode 10 of A Dust Odyssey releases, marking the midseason finale point in the saga. I gave 2 of the stars the honor of being interviewed by me this week to see how things have been going. I can definitely say they were a bit star struck meeting me. Without further ado, here’s my interview with Franklin and Pol.

Ron: Always good for a bunch of celebs like us to sit down and chat.
Franklin: Us?
Pol: Who are you again?
Ron: Love your sense of humor and friendly ribbing. Everyone knows I’m the great Ron Flogundy, lead anchor at FUD News.
Franklin: I thought this was an interview with the New York Times.
Pol: Chud news?
Ron: Ha ha. Hilarious again. Let’s get to the topic at hand. How has it been adjusting to life in the spotlight? I can attest that fame has its privileges. Like better whiskey.

Look at us famous people.

Franklin: It’s not about the Fame for me, it’s about telling important stories that resonate with Flovans all over the megaverse. The urgent quest for Dust and truth can’t be overstated.
Pol: I can cut the line at In N Out Burger now.
Ron: Franklin, how has it been working with the rest of the cast? It’s clear to me that Pol is a hard worker. Look at those bloodshot eyes and my god the smell. It’s like he hasn’t showered or something for him to smell this skunky.
Franklin: Yes, he’s um, really blazing around the set. The rest of the cast has been wonderful. We all come from the same small town of Builder so you could say our componets are all very compatible. Gellan is always very gracious and kind to the female background actresses. And of course, working with a Droid is always fun.
Ron: Ah yes, I can relate. I too work with a heartless machine. Her name is Peterman and she takes pleasure in taking shots at me.
Pol: I can see why
Franklin: No, FL01D is an actual Droid! Not an actor in makeup like people assume.
Ron: It’s an actual machine? And it’s programmed to do what the writers want? Am I able to borrow him? I bought a Psyche Likee for this reason and turns out she is not at all programmable. I am doing more work for her than she is for me. Can’t even pour me a glass of whiskey.

Franklin: Yes, he’s on loan from Flova Labs. He’s quite expensive actually, not sure we can risk spilling whiskey on him.
Pol: During in the mall episode, I made him roll me a joint between takes.
Ron: Ah yes, the mall episode was great. How did you gather the courage to enter one of those? Most I see are closed or overrun by a lower class of people us celebs don’t mingle with.
Pol: The food court had Auntie Anne’s and a Panda Express. That’s all the motivation I need.
Ron: No one can turn down a bowl of orange chicken so I totally understand. Today, the mid season finale airs. Anything you want to say about these first 10 episodes and your jouney so far or what we can expect moving forward?
Franklin: I just want to thank the fans for watching and being so supportive. Big shout out to Throop, Heavengod, Pauly, Chief KC, Capietain, Mel and others who have helped hype up the episodes. And thanks to the crew behind the scenes.
Pol: Let’s just say it’s going to get much weirder from here on out. Buckle in folks.
Ron: Yes, the crew behind the scenes. Peterman has been blabbing on about this writers’ strike. Your show is proof we don’t need writers. It’s all been done with ChatGPT right?
Pol: I’m 3 seconds away from punching you in the face mate
Franklin: We have an entire crew of writers, producers, editors, wardrobe, special fx and so much more. The only thing ChatGPT would be good for is replacing idiotic interviewers like yourself.
Pol: Yea I’m doing it, I’m going to punch him.
Ron: No computer can recreate my witty banter. I guess Peterman was telling the truth though. Blast. Just don’t tell her I was proven wrong. That droid doesn’t need an ego boost. Before we go, I happily brought these headshots of me for you both. I even autographed them myself. Feel free to pass that on to those producers you mentioned so I can get my cameo scheduled.

Some of my many talented looks.

Franklin: Um sure, I’ll have them call you if we need someone to play an alcoholic misogynist.
Pol: I’ll use it as toilet paper thanks.
Ron: Hahaha. This is the playful banter I’m talking about. Can’t wait for more of this on set. Well you 2 have been great. I’m sure you’re as honored meeting me as I am meeting you.
[Editor’s Note: At this point, Pol threw his chair and stormed off]

There you have it folks. A stellar interview by me with some of the cast. The 10th episode debuts today so make sure to check that out. I must go wait by my phone now as it will inevitably be ringing any minute once the producers get my head shots. I’ll finally get to leave this damn news company for bigger fame. Ron out.

by Füch Faće McGee

Heyas, Füchos! It’s your favorite sports guy back for another week of all the sports you can handle! Since we’ve led off with MFL talk the last couple weeks, I first want to talk about what we aren’t going to do this week. There will be no updates on Team <REDACTED>. The club that shall not be named has lost two matches on the season, both coming on Friday’s after being featured in FUDNews. So today we’re going to reverse the curse and ignore the club completely!

Instead, this week we’re going to catch up on the extremely popular Bobble League event and take a look at a roadmap for the rest of the Flovalympics! Without further ado, on to the Bobbles!

There are 6 total games left to play before the regular season is wrapped up for this Bobble League season. But two things are certain – the Space Pirates have captured the regular season crown and 12 points towards the Flovalympic standings. And the Aperhands are so far behind, they have secured last place.

The Space Pirates, led by JP and Purple Rose, overcame an 0-2 start to the Bobble League season, winning 14 of their final 16 matches to become pool play champions. The Border Hoopers are currently alone in 2nd place, but with 2 games to play, can end in a tie with Flovatron.

Speaking of Flovatron, the Droids owe a debt of gratitude to the old, slow fingers of Chickism. Not for anything they’ve done on the field, but for keeping his own-goal scoring prowess on the virtual Bobble League sidelines and getting out of The Bot’s way during the team’s late-season surge.

With 6 games left in the season, there is lots of jockeying to be done for Flovalympic points and tournament seeding. The standings are subject to change pending the results of these last few matches, but if things hold as they currently are, the Flovalympic standings would like like this after the conclusion of the Bobble League season.

*Subject to change after Bobble League regular season

Some old dude once said “All good things must come to an end.” And with that in mind, it’s time to talk about the Flovalympic road map.

While the timeline could change slightly, the date for the last event is tentatively set for Thursday, October 19th. Between now and then, we will look to run a competition every other Thursday, starting with poker next week. As with all events, we will do our best to be flexible and accommodating to everyone’s schedule.

It’s been a while since we’ve discussed prizes, but for a recap, the current prize pool includes: 350 Flow, 1250 $DUST, 6 Flobit packs and 50 rare bits. There will be at least 3 more prize dumps for the months of July, August and September, and we will keep everyone updated as the prize pool is updated. We will also be releasing distribution details of the prizes very soon.

And with that, it’s time to bring this thing to a close. Hopefully next week we can talk about Team <REDACTED> after they turn around their disappointing Friday performances. And maybe we’ll dip into the Mailbag. I don’t know. I don’t know if we’ll have time. Until then…Füch Faće, out!

F.U.D News Staff

Pennytar- Founder & CEO
Straight from the circus, he was just clowning around one day online and stumbled into this wacky, low budget, and sarcastic news outlet.

J. Peterman- Chief Sarcasm Officer (CSO) / Fashionista
Once a top level executive at a clothing catalogue company, she finds herself here after an epic fail of an invention. The Urban Sombrero bankrupt the company in spectacular fashion. She now takes sarcastic jabs at outfits worn by flovatars with a better fashion sense than her.

Ron Flogundy- Lead Anchor
After being fired from a reputable news source, Ron found his way into the F.U.D News room. He gave the media outlet a look of credibility when there was none.

Füch Faće McGee– Head of Sportsball Division/Flovalympic Reporter
This Bulgarian-Irish born sports genius made a name for himself by having 1 too many whiskeys while trying to interview the Irish rugby team after a loss and causing a locker room brawl. Naturally, was a must hire for F.U.D.

Kid Chaos- Resident Movie/Horror Correspondent
Not sure where this mysterious dude came from, he kinda showed up out of the shadows. If you need any movie or horror input, he’s your guy. Just don’t get too close to him or make any sudden movements.

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