THE MEDICINAL WEEK IN REVIEW
By Ron Flogundy
Greetings all you Flovatar people. Ron Flogundy is back with your week’s entertainment. I must say, I am fairly hopped up on pain pills and muscle relaxers at the moment so this is a race against passing out. Yes, I have an injury. Yes, even I am not immortal. But even in this state of pain, I could not disappoint my loyal followers so let’s try to get this done before I drift away into a medical paradise.
It’s been a fairly calm week this time around. Most of the activity is behind the scenes stuff as Luca and the Team continue to work on some upcoming initiatives. Dust packs are still available. At the time of this publishing, there are 188 packs left for you try your luck on getting a Zorro mask and Shredder helmets. The packs cost 3000 Dust and come with a 1000 Dust rebate if you own a Psyche Likee. The rebates will be distributed once the packs sell out so spread the word and keep those packs moving. If you’re a little short on Dust, you can always visit Increment.fi to grab some more.
Luca is away doing some networking at ETH Milan this week. Hmm….I wonder why Flovatar’s #1 reporter wasn’t invited to this event. Was it because of all the pineapple on pizza bashing I did? No, that can’t be. It’s Milan so they must know that kind of stuff is illegal. Oh wait. It probably has to do with a misunderstanding about my drug test. I swear these pills are prescribed. This reminds me of a time when a friend of mine had an issue to.
Much like my friend Elaine, it must’ve just been a big mix up. I guess we will have to wait and see what the conference was all about from Luca himself. Based on his Tweet, or post, or X, or whatever the hell that billionaire buffoon is calling it, it looks like Luca has been rubbing elbows with some important people. Check out the post here.
A couple other side notes for the week. The flobit maker has been working nonstop on some new stuff. Be on the look out for information on the Bodacious Brazen you get the point Bits Contest flobits coming soon. Have you wanted to claim Dust on your Dapper wallet? Well, there may be a solution coming for that soon according to my sources.
Next week, the next episode of A Dust Odyssey drops and the story continues to entertain us as we move closer to the season finale. Take some time to catch up on it if you haven’t yet. Sound like those crazy Flovans are heading to get Greek food or something. I love a good pita. What’s that, Peterman? They’re going to the Olympics? That’s impossible, those aren’t until next year. Pipe down.
Now, I bet you’re all wondering how your news hero Ron got injured. Well, it has been a wild week for me and I can share it with you as long as I don’t pass out. You see, I was at my favorite local watering hole enjoying a delicious glass of some fine whiskey. In walked this fellow that did not look like a regular. He bellied up to the bar a few seats down from me and ordered a drink. “I’ll take a Pappy 15 with coke please.” I heard that unfathomable sentence and instantly whipped my head around to curse at the fellow and that’s when it happened. An unbearable pain in my neck that radiated down my arm as well.
After visiting my doctor, I was advised I have a neck sprain and would need some medicine and other fancy doctor stuff. Since I’m a reporter at this dumpy news company that has no health insurance, I needed to find alternative means to cure my ailment. My friends recommended someone named Tor.
After seeing their experience with Tor, I searched for a different route to cure this radiating pain. I wandered around the alleys looking for some “street doctors” that could help. I came across a familiar face. I’ve seen him around before and he’s even made appearances in this news publication so he must be trustworthy.
I explained my ailments to him and he said he had just what I needed. He offered me the choice of 2 pills. One is fast acting and one was long lasting. I said I would take both. The “street doctor” advised me that I should never take them at the same time. No one tells Ron what to do. So needing immediate, long lasting relief, I took both. He said I needed to get home fast because the effects of both will be unpleasant. So far it’s been a couple of hours and I feel finnsjfhdknvafl,…………………………..
An Ode to Chickism
By J. Peterman
I’m glad you all enjoyed my poetry from last week. It seems, however, that I missed a few people who are worth mentioning. In particular, one feathered friend felt a little peckish about their exclusion from my rhyming ways.
So — for this week, here’s one for you buddy.
There once was a boy with feathers
Actually I can’t be sure
If they’re a chick or a guy or whatever
Their identity is pretty obscure
When I open the app in the morning
I know Chickism will be cheerful in Discord
But I have to give you a fair warning
They’ll ask wen poker, just ignore
They’re the biggest fan of Dumbo
That I’ve ever met on Flow
I admit that I can never know
How anyone loves that elephant so
Speaking of animals, Chick is obsessed
With them all and is happy to promote
His favorite, though, you may never guess
Is probably those cute little goats
This rambling ode must come to an end
Before I give away too many things
Here’s to our buddy and friend
Chickism, you’re the wind beneath our wings
F.U.D News Staff
Pennytar- Founder & CEO
Straight from the circus, he was just clowning around one day online and stumbled into this wacky, low budget, and sarcastic news outlet.
J. Peterman- Chief Sarcasm Officer (CSO) / Fashionista
Once a top level executive at a clothing catalogue company, she finds herself here after an epic fail of an invention. The Urban Sombrero bankrupt the company in spectacular fashion. She now takes sarcastic jabs at outfits worn by flovatars with a better fashion sense than her.
Ron Flogundy- Lead Anchor
After being fired from a reputable news source, Ron found his way into the F.U.D News room. He gave the media outlet a look of credibility when there was none.
Füch Faće McGee– Head of Sportsball Division/Flovalympic Reporter
This Bulgarian-Irish born sports genius made a name for himself by having 1 too many whiskeys while trying to interview the Irish rugby team after a loss and causing a locker room brawl. Naturally, was a must hire for F.U.D.
Kid Chaos- Resident Movie/Horror Correspondent
Not sure where this mysterious dude came from, he kinda showed up out of the shadows. If you need any movie or horror input, he’s your guy. Just don’t get too close to him or make any sudden movements.