November 3, 2023 ·

By Ron Flogundy

Greetings everyone! It’s your favorite news anchor, Ron Flogundy, back again to entertain you and drop some knowledge. We have a few things to cover in the world of Flovatar this week. Then I’ll share with you all my experience this week with some of my adoring fans and all the candy they brought me. So let’s get at it before I sober up.

The special Halloween flobit challenge series completed with an epic finale. The final challenge required some harder to get flobits to be combined for the reward. Since it was the hardest of the 3 challenges, it came with a 1000 Dust reward for all those who finished the task. As a special bonus, for everyone who completed all 3 challenges, Luca decided to airdrop some bonus Halloween bits as a reward. Congrats to all those who participated and earned some Dust to spend. Now, how should you spend that Dust?

Great question Ron! While there are several ways to use Dust, I just wanted to point out a few of my favorite ones for now. First, Dust packs are now down to the final 100 packs. Grab a few of those and take a chance at pulling some epic or legendary flobits. Remember that the Dust rebate will arrive when the packs sell out. Members can get 1000 Dust per Psyche Likee they own for each pack they purchase. I am a gambler by nature so I can’t help myself from snagging one every so often to see if I get lucky. Worst case scenario is I get 8 flobits to possibly burn.

Burning flobits? Funny you should mention that Ron. Another spectacular transition by me. Using the flobit upgrader to snag some limited flobits is another form of gambling that I enjoy. After a few questions by the community and some snooping around HQ by yours truly, rumor has it that the upgrader is going to be getting some new inventory soon. I managed to take a peek in the window before the Flovatar bouncers caught me and escorted me out. From what I saw, these new ones will have me burning bits like you wouldn’t believe. More on that soon.

If you were not part of the lucky ones to earn Dust over these past 3 weeks of challenges, never fear. I’ve been telling you for weeks that Dust can be swapped on and now I have some new info to share. Dust is now listed on Coin Gecko! Head on over and check out all the features Coin Gecko has to offer. You can track Dust pricing live, view market charts, track market cap and trading volume and so much more. This is an awesome tool for all your Dust token tracking needs.

Now, it’s time to share my thoughts on this week’s hot topic. Candy! On Tuesday, I had several hours of kids coming to my house to meet their role model. These kids love me. For whatever reason, they all decided to pay tribute to meeting their celebrity idol by bringing me bags of candy. I wish you could’ve seen their faces when I opened the door, accepted their bags of candy as a gift, took a selfie with them, and said bye. They had tears in their eyes from the joy of seeing such an icon like me. Literally, every single kid cried tears of joy. Once things settled down, I had a chance to go through the bags of candy to see what was inside. It was a rollercoaster of emotions for me from pure joy to utter disgust. So here is your candy review. But first, my friend George lays down some candy knowledge.

To my surprise, about 40% of the candy in these bags were from this category. Who even buys this crap to hand to other people? When you get this from someone, that person is basically saying “I don’t love you so eat this crap and go away.” This is like someone buying me a bottle of Ten High Whiskey. This category includes Smarties, Tootsie Rolls, Candy Corn, Wether’s Original (what am I? a 90 year old grandma), Dots, and a slew of nameless hard candies. These are all the broccoli of candy. GTFO.

These batches of candy are a little step above the first ones. At least some of these contain chocolate. What can go wrong with chocolate right? Well, these candy producers did the impossible and found ways to make chocolate taste like crap. I equate this to someone getting me a bottle of Jim Beam. Basically good effort and looks like you cared a little but not really. This class of candy is littered with the likes of Goobers, Milk Duds, Whoppers, Jolly Ranchers, Blow Pops, Starburst and more.

A large percentage of candy bars I got fit right in here. These very popular, over produced, and overrated candy bars are at least edible when there’s a craving that needs satisfying. Like after drinking an entire bottle of whiskey and I can’t taste anything anyway. The Jack Daniels of candy I might say.

Mars first created the Milky Way in 1923. This caramel nougat thing is just meh. Anyone really know what nougat is anyway? So how did they fix this lackluster candy bar? “Hmm. Let’s add peanuts”. So in 1930, they added peanuts to this junky bar and created Snickers. This barely moves the needle. Seeing the error in their ways, they decided to dial it back a notch the other way. “Why add anything? Let’s take stuff off!” So they removed the peanuts and caramel and created the 3 Musketeers bar in 1932. Now people were forced to eat just nougat. While definitely better than the previous candies mentioned, this trio of candy bars that are basically the same damn thing leave more to be desired. “Are you satisfied?” No, I am not, Snickers!

Finally after sifting through all of the junk, I came across the holy grails of candy. These delicious treats never fail to put a smile on my face. I can eat them all day, everyday by the handful. Now, it’s time to reveal the elite sweet treats.

TAKE 5: It’s chocolate, peanut butter, caramel, surrounding a pretzel. It’s sweet and salty. The perfect balance of everything you can ask for. Your taste buds enjoy this symphony of flavors as it graces your mouth. If you don’t appreciate the brilliance of this candy bar, just go away.

TWIX: Another amazing candy bar that brings joy to me. The chocolate and caramel sit perfectly atop the cookie bar base. As George Costanza famously stated, “Twix is the only candy bar with the cookie crunch.” Twix even gives you 2 bars in a package. Are you fan of the left or the right? Spoiler alert! They’re actually the same thing.

REESE’S CUPS & KIT KAT: Peanut butter cups should be a food group. I don’t think I even know or associate with anyone who says they are garbage. It’s not possible to deny this tasty treat the credit it deserves. Follow that up with KitKat. If their jingle doesn’t hook you, there chocolatey wafers will. Simply delicious.

I will give an honorable mention nod to peanut butter M&Ms, Almond Joy, Skittles, and Junior Mints. All deserving to be eaten with joy. There you have it folks. My candy bar review in all its glory. Thank you for joining me this week while the rest of my lazy ass staff is recovering from Halloween. I’m going to try and combine some of the candy bars into some new invention. Maybe I can create the Ron Bar and get rich that way. A candy mogul has a nice ring to it.

F.U.D News Staff

Pennytar- Founder & CEO
Straight from the circus, he was just clowning around one day online and stumbled into this wacky, low budget, and sarcastic news outlet.

J. Peterman- Chief Sarcasm Officer (CSO) / Fashionista
Once a top level executive at a clothing catalogue company, she finds herself here after an epic fail of an invention. The Urban Sombrero bankrupt the company in spectacular fashion. She now takes sarcastic jabs at outfits worn by flovatars with a better fashion sense than her.

Ron Flogundy- Lead Anchor
After being fired from a reputable news source, Ron found his way into the F.U.D News room. He gave the media outlet a look of credibility when there was none.

Füch Faće McGee– Head of Sportsball Division/Flovalympic Reporter
This Bulgarian-Irish born sports genius made a name for himself by having 1 too many whiskeys while trying to interview the Irish rugby team after a loss and causing a locker room brawl. Naturally, was a must hire for F.U.D.

Kid Chaos- Resident Movie/Horror Correspondent
Not sure where this mysterious dude came from, he kinda showed up out of the shadows. If you need any movie or horror input, he’s your guy. Just don’t get too close to him or make any sudden movements.

In category:Uncategorized