THIS WEEK IN FLVOATAR
by Ron Flogundy
Good afternoon Flovatar world, I am Ron Flogundy. It’s time for everyone’s favorite part of the week, me! Sometimes even I am in awe of myself as I put this pen to paper and begin churning out awesomeness. I can talk about me all day and I know my fans want to hear more about me but let’s move on to this week in Flovatar.
Episode 3 of “A Dust Odyssey” debuts today and fans can’t seem to get enough. Last week left us on a little bit of cliffhanger as the crew jumped into their transtator pods. These pods are connected somehow to a, um, flux capacitor that channels something nerdy to teleport them to Tatooine…Yeah, I can’t do any of this egghead stuff. Science class was not my thing. Need to maintain my classy image.
Last week’s watch party yielded another epic reward for the attendees. A float was up to claim for a short period after the episode aired in Discord. Float holders were airdropped a new epic background featuring these transtator pod things. These watch parties have proven to be fun and beneficial as it has been the only way to grab these story world flobits. I wonder if collecting them all will have a purpose? I’ll poke around my resources to see if there’s more on this and update everyone at a later time.
Check out these epic flobits that attendees have earned so far. Even for being sci-fi themed, Ron loves these. Just look at that bot staring at himself in that philosoflo. Such vanity! Yet, I totally understand. Wouldn’t it be nice to have a little Ron option there? Then all of you can have a visual of me on demand. More importantly, I too could then look at myself anytime I wish. Worth every bit of Flow to purchase this.
Some cool news to note with Flovatar spin-off project Sportvatar this week. Their partners Marca and La Gazzetta seem to be doing this marketing stuff again. No tumbleweeds were involved this week which is confusing to me. I thought that is all we had. Rather, major ads and articles surfaced surrounding some major sporting events going on right now in European football (soccer for you American dimwits). Check this out.
Finally, Luca has been mentioning in general chat that he has an update he’s been working on for the community. He popped in this week between his very busy schedule to let everyone know he’s been working on an article. The article will cover updates to the DAO structure and other things. Luca also mentioned he launched a Discourse for Flovatar to allow those who don’t use Discord to voice their opinions.
All of this writing has made me thirsty. I guess that means it’s a wrap for this week Flovatar world. I am heading to my bourbon cellar now to get primed for episode 3. No better way to enjoy a fine podcast than with a fine glass of nectar of the gods. The Dust has settled this week. Ron Flogundy signing off.
PETERMAN’S FASHION NONSENSE
by Ron Flogundy
Well, apparently I’m not done with this week’s news. This clown now has me working overtime to fill in for Peterman. Apparently she is on strike or something with the rest of the writers in Hollywood. Why am I not there? I am too famous to take time off from my fans. It has nothing to do with the clown’s threatening demeanor and his haunting glare at me right now as I am writing this under immense pressure.
Ok, what the hell does Peterman do anyway? Fashion? Good god. Can I go back to the nerd stuff from earlier instead? Wait a minute. This is going to be easy. I’ll use this new thing called ChatGPT to do the work for me. Who better to highlight for their amazing fashion sense than Ron Flogundy himself. Hang on a second and let me type this in.
What the hell? That’s not what I wanted. How dare you insult me? I thought this was suppose to be smart technology. You are obviously not very good AI. Should stand for Amateur Intelligence.
I knew bots were not smart. Not reliable and dumb. Who the hell invented you anyway? Probably the same moron who thought pineapple on pizza was smart.
This is outrageous! I’m done with this moronic experiment. Clown, go pay Peterman whatever the hell she wants. Take it out of my salary if needed. This AI crap is not working out. I prefer her human sarcasm than this robot’s heartless insults.
I mean this with my whole heart and angriest of voices ChatGPT, F*&% Off.
MUSINGS OF A FÜCH FAĆE
by Füch Faće McGee
This week ESPN debuted its latest documentary from the 30 for 30 Franchise – American Gladiators. Like you, the McGees spent many a night gathered around the big screen (you know, the one that doubled as a TV stand because it stopped working and your parents didn’t want to spend the money to fix it so instead placed a smaller TV on top of it) to watch Turbo, Zap and the rest of the Gladiator gang for a little wholesome family bonding. Needless to say I’m very excited to check it out this weekend and to re-live a little bit of my childhood. In the meantime, I’ve been searching Youtube to check out some old clips and decided to share with my Fuchamaniacs my favorite games from one of the greatest game shows ever. So in no particular order, here are my 5 all-time favorite games from American Gladiators.
Powerball – I know I said I wasn’t going to put these in order, but I have a special place in my heart for Powerball. This was a game me and my two younger sisters replicated. Being the oldest, I played the Gladiator role – the protector of the “cylinder” (laundry hamper). And they competed against each other to see who could get by me and put their balls in the basket.
It was violent. There was lots of laughing, at least to start. The only chance they got to score was when I was busy putting the other in a Ric Flair leg-lock. And the games usually ended with someone crying. Yes, I am a bully. No, I am not sorry about it. POWERBALL!
Atlasphere – Another all-time Gladiator classic. 60 seconds to roll around in a giant steel-ball, battling against the Gladiators who were trying to keep the contestants from rolling onto scoring pods placed throughout the arena. It was one of the games you’d yell at the contestants because they were doing it all wrong, and you knew you could do better than they were doing.
Breakthrough and Conquer – Football was the first sport I fell in love with. So of course, this event was one of my favorites. It started with a contestant at one end of an artificial football field. And they had to carry a football about 15 yards to an endzone with only a Gladiator standing in their path. This was another contest I thought I would do well in as a kid, with my elite spin and juke moves. Nevermind that I never even played a single game of peewee football. My long history in Joe Montana football was all the experience I needed.
The second part of the event was a wrestling match between the contestant and a 2nd , well-rested Gladiator. The goal was to knock said Gladiator out of the circle, and they got 10 seconds to do so. This part was cool, but the real draw for me was the football-inspired part of the event.
Gauntlet – 25 seconds. 5 Gladiators. 1 dream. In Gauntlet, contestants started at one end of a half-pipe and had 25 seconds to race past 5 Gladiators to the finish line at the other end. And the Gladiators were equipped with large, padded blocking pads to keep the contenders from getting by. This one also was very football-esque to me. Since most of the Gladiators were bigger and stronger, the contenders had to be shifty and nimble to get by the big hulking road-blocks.
Assault – Powerball might have been my favorite and the one we played around the house. Assault is the game I could only dream about playing as a kid. Sitting atop a platform, shooting projectiles out of a high-powered cannon at my sisters as they ran in sheer terror from base to base, hoping that big brother’s aim might be a little off that day.*
*Side note – It should be said that my sisters and I have a wonderful relationship. They are both strong, resilient women and I’m pretty sure I had a lot to do with that. They thank me often.
That’s it for this week! Keep an eye out for more ways you can connect with your favorite sports dude coming soon! As soon as I put this whisky down long enough to figure out how to sign up for a Twitter account.
F.U.D News Staff
Pennytar- Founder & CEO
Straight from the circus, he was just clowning around one day online and stumbled into this wacky, low budget, and sarcastic news outlet.
J. Peterman- Chief Sarcasm Officer (CSO) / Fashionista
Unable to deal with all of the fashion faux-pas she saw in Flovatar, J. Peterman lobbied the F.U.D. News editors to let her write a weekly fashion column. No one is safe from her rants.
Ron Flogundy- Lead Anchor
After being fired from a reputable news source, Ron found his way into the F.U.D News room. He gave the media outlet a look of credibility when there was none.
Füch Faće McGee- Head of Sportsball Division/Flovalympic Reporter
This Bulgarian-Irish born sports genius made a name for himself by having 1 too many whiskeys while trying to interview the Irish rugby team after a loss and causing a locker room brawl. Naturally, was a must hire for F.U.D.
Kid Chaos- Resident Movie/Horror Correspondent
Not sure where this mysterious dude came from, he kinda showed up out of the shadows. If you need any movie or horror input, he’s your guy. Just don’t get too close to him or make any sudden movements.